Updated: March 11, 2017
Originally Published: November 12, 2014
As my partner and I prepared to take our newborn son home, we were filled with excitement. We had packed our belongings and were standing by the hospital bed, hands intertwined, when the pediatrician returned, her expression grave. Our hearts sank as she delivered devastating news: “Your baby has started experiencing seizures during the exam. We need to admit him to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.”
In that moment, we were frozen in shock. Our minds raced as we grappled with the reality that our plans had just shattered. We had dressed our son in his special “Going Home” outfit, fully expecting to embark on the adventure of parenthood. But instead, we were in a nightmare.
The doctor continued, “I know this is unexpected. We are conducting various tests to understand what’s happening. Have you noticed any unusual behavior?”
I struggled to recall the last few days. Our son had been born at thirty-six weeks, with a difficult delivery that involved resuscitation due to a lack of breathing. However, after that initial scare, he appeared to be stable—eating and sleeping well, and weighing a healthy seven pounds. I hesitated, then said, “He was twitching. His arm was moving erratically. I mentioned it to the nurse yesterday, and she assured me it was nothing.”
The doctor nodded thoughtfully. “That could have been a seizure. We need to determine the cause. I’ll return to your son now, and someone will update you shortly.”
Instead of bringing our baby home, we found ourselves navigating the complexities of NICU protocols. We spent the afternoon following our son around the hospital as various specialists conducted a series of tests, including MRIs and blood work. As we stood helplessly behind glass, the weight of our situation began to settle in. Our newborn was facing a serious medical crisis, and we had no clarity on his future.
When night fell, we were forced to leave the hospital to find a place to stay. With heavy hearts, we checked into a nearby hotel, feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness and despair. I curled up on the bed, my hands trembling as I instinctively rubbed my abdomen. My baby was no longer inside me, nor was he in my arms.
Days passed, and doctors eventually diagnosed our son with a stroke that likely occurred either in utero or shortly after birth. This stroke was a potential reason for the seizures, but the underlying cause remained a mystery, necessitating further testing and care in the NICU.
As I sat by his incubator, surrounded by medical equipment and other fragile infants, I felt two strong emotions:
- Fear: The reality of our son’s stroke weighed heavily on my heart. What would this mean for his life? We were unfamiliar with pediatric strokes but understood their gravity. The medical team was running an EKG, and conducting various tests, while my body trembled with anxiety.
- Guilt: Even though my baby was dealing with a serious health issue, he appeared healthier than many other infants in the NICU. They were smaller, hooked up to more machines, and I wondered how long they would remain there. What challenges were their families facing? What would their journeys to homecoming look like?
These conflicting feelings pushed us to persist, returning to the hospital every few hours to nurse and hold our son. This experience was unlike any typical new parent exhaustion; we drove silently through the night, gripped by fear and hope.
On the third day, we received encouraging news: our son was stable, with no new symptoms or seizures. The doctors had eliminated the most serious causes of the stroke and believed it was likely due to a blood clot. We were finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when the neonatologist recommended discharge. Our fears and guilt began to dissipate.
It was a bright, sunny morning when we finally placed our son in his car seat and prepared to leave the hospital. The click of the seatbelt echoed with relief and joy. We had navigated our first major challenge as parents and emerged victorious. While the future remained uncertain, we were ready to embrace our new life as a family.
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Summary
In this heartfelt narrative, Sarah Thompson recounts the life-altering moment when her newborn son was admitted to the NICU after experiencing seizures. As she navigates the emotional turmoil of fear and guilt, she reflects on the challenges faced by families in similar situations. Ultimately, the story concludes with hope as the family prepares to take their son home, embracing the uncertainties of parenthood.