“Hey, there’s something going on down there!” I called out to my partner, Jake.
“What do you mean?” he replied, clearly confused.
“My perineum, or as I like to call it, my taint. There’s a bump and it stings quite a bit, but I can’t really see it,” I explained, trying to keep it light-hearted despite the discomfort.
“Could it be a hemorrhoid?” he suggested cautiously. “Have you been straining?”
“That’s a possibility. This baby is definitely making things a bit more complicated down there. Would you recognize a hemorrhoid if you saw one?”
“I might,” he said, chuckling nervously, “but I’m not sure I want that kind of close-up.”
I understood his hesitation; after all, this is the same guy who rushes to hold my hair back during bouts of morning sickness—a much messier affair, in my opinion. It’s sweet but also a bit grim.
After declining my request for an amateur examination, Jake handed me a tube of Preparation H and left me to figure it out. Almost immediately, the discomfort eased, leading me to believe his diagnosis was spot on. Thank goodness, because I wasn’t looking forward to mentioning this at my next OB appointment.
Reflecting on our relationship, I never thought I’d find myself asking him about pregnancy-related discomforts. The mystery of romance has certainly shifted over the years, especially since I now find myself answering nature’s call without a moment’s hesitation. Being pregnant means frequent trips to the bathroom, and if I didn’t, we’d never finish a conversation!
Moreover, sneezing often results in a little accident, and with my allergies to dust—alongside my aversion to cleaning—let’s just say I’m a walking disaster zone. My husband might as well have adopted a puppy instead of marrying me.
And let’s not even touch on the gas. At this point, I could power a small boat. If I were to burst, I’d probably float across the room like a cartoon character. The reality of pregnancy can be quite unglamorous.
However, none of these experiences compare to the sheer panic during labor, where I’d be shouting, “Stay up here by my head, or you might need therapy!” The realities of childbirth—everything from the possibility of pooping during delivery to the idea of an episiotomy—are not for the faint of heart.
Perhaps there should be an emotional epidural for partners to ensure they forget the traumatic aspects of childbirth, or else families would likely stop at one child. Thankfully, medical advances help us navigate these challenges.
If you’re navigating the world of pregnancy, you might find helpful insights in our related post about home insemination techniques. Additionally, for those considering their family-building options, the Resolve organization provides an excellent resource for understanding your choices. And for the best home insemination kits, check out Cryobaby’s offerings.
In summary, the journey of pregnancy is often filled with uncomfortable truths and unexpected challenges. While it can be a miraculous experience, it also brings along its fair share of gross moments that couples must navigate together.