“Establish an ongoing connection with the one person who truly matters: yourself, who understands where to set boundaries on any given day with any individual.” — Inspired by Martha Beck
Last year, I found myself in a chaotic situation. I left my children with a guest while I rushed to a new friend’s home to deliver a meal—her husband was seriously ill, and she had three young kids to care for. I had to take a cab since I had lent my car to a friend who needed it for airport pickups. Also, I had taken time off work to entertain our guest, a family member of my partner, who was tied up at work.
I recount this not to seek praise but to illustrate my frazzled state. In hindsight, I see the stress beads forming on my upper lip, my subpar time management, an irritated guest, and my work slipping down the priority list. The food I prepared was poorly executed, with chili running down my leg and onto the cab floor.
Did I feel fulfilled by helping two families? Of course. Was it worth sacrificing my own well-being? Definitely not. Reflecting on that day, I realize that trying to meet everyone’s expectations drained my energy while I struggled to maintain my own responsibilities.
Often, overcommitting leads to half-hearted efforts. What’s worse than someone who can’t keep commitments? Someone who commits to too much and ends up flaking out. So, I decided to take a step back from my tendency to say “yes” to every request—be it bake sales, resume assistance, or rides to the store. This was tough, as my instinct was to help.
We all know people who are never available to lend a hand, and I used to judge them harshly. But I realized that constantly saying “yes” was harming my mental and emotional health. I needed to establish boundaries to reduce my stress and to avoid disappointing others.
How could I start declining requests without feeling selfish? I had to face the truth: many of my actions to help others stemmed from a desire to be liked or viewed as a good person. In reality, this could make me just as selfish as those I judged for not helping.
I began to understand that individuals with clear boundaries often lead happier lives. They recognize their limitations, which align with their personal priorities and interests. Perhaps it’s not that they lack concern for others; perhaps they possess something we all should strive for—self-awareness.
Despite my newfound resolve, I faced a challenge shortly after setting boundaries. A woman I barely knew received devastating news about a family member’s passing while I was working nearby. She looked at me, visibly shaken, and I felt torn between compassion and my looming deadlines. I held her hand momentarily, but ultimately returned to my work while she grappled with her grief. I regret that moment; it was unkind and insensitively dismissive.
The truth is, there’s a balance to be struck. While the idea of mutual support is appealing—think of the communal barn-raising in some cultures—modern conveniences have replaced much of that traditional community spirit. My upbringing involved a network of friends and family who provided support during tough times, and I hope to reciprocate that kindness when needed.
Ultimately, I aim to help others when they genuinely need it, setting boundaries where necessary. I want to ensure that when I face my own challenges, I can rely on the community I’ve nurtured.
For more insights on this topic, you might explore our other blog post here. Additionally, if you’re interested in home insemination, this site offers excellent resources. If you’re curious about the success rates of insemination methods, WebMD provides valuable information.
In summary, striking a balance between helping others and maintaining your own well-being is crucial. Establishing healthy boundaries can lead to a happier life and more meaningful connections.