While many celebrate the physical changes of pregnancy with pride, I found myself facing an uncomfortable reality—hemorrhoids. Instead of the expected stretch marks, I was left with painful, swollen bumps in a rather private area.
While others flaunted their marks as badges of honor, I was grappling with the indignity of pregnancy-related hemorrhoids. It felt wrong to even acknowledge this condition.
The discomfort began when I was just eight weeks pregnant with my second child. Initially, I was unaware of what was happening. I believed hemorrhoids were an affliction of the elderly. But one particularly painful day pushed me to investigate.
Armed with curiosity and some trepidation, I ventured to my bathroom for a closer look. Dropping my pants and inspecting the situation, I was met with a shocking sight: multiple lumps surrounding my anus.
In a state of panic, I called out to my partner, “Search for hemorrhoids on Google! What do I do?” To my dismay, he refused. “I’m not looking up hemorrhoids,” he replied. But I knew I had to act.
My research revealed that the solution lay in a tube of hemorrhoid cream. However, acquiring this remedy meant facing the potential humiliation of shopping for it in public. Just when I thought I’d conquered the embarrassment of purchasing feminine hygiene products, I was thrust into the even more daunting realm of hemorrhoid relief.
Navigating the store, I found myself amidst a selection of enemas, laxatives, and an array of rectal treatments. I was not alone; a senior citizen nearby was filling her cart with prune juice.
The true test, however, was approaching the checkout line with my tube of Preparation H. I awkwardly concealed it in my hand, preparing for what felt like a heist. Praying for a female cashier, I was disheartened to find a young male cashier instead.
As I placed the tube on the conveyor belt, I considered spinning a tale about it being for my grandmother, but that would only draw more attention. Just then, a firefighter walked up, and I momentarily lost my composure, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.
With the cashier’s casual inquiry about my shopping experience, I could hardly contain my frustration. I hurriedly grabbed my bag and escaped the store, relieved yet mortified.
Once home, I discovered that the cream required the use of wipes beforehand. Desperately searching, I settled for the remnants of baby wipes in my child’s bathroom, wetting them to assist with my application. The tube contained an applicator, but I was not ready to go that route. Instead, I opted for a Q-tip, applying the ointment with great care.
After two weeks of diligent use, the hemorrhoids persisted, prompting me to seek professional help. A visit to my doctor confirmed my worst fears—yes, I had hemorrhoids. To my relief, I was prescribed a stronger cream, which I wished I had known I could skip the awkward trip to the store altogether.
In hindsight, I would rather endure a medical examination than face the public humiliation of purchasing hemorrhoid cream again. Of course, only if the doctor isn’t too attractive.
For those navigating the challenges of pregnancy and fertility, there are many resources available, including this excellent guide on pregnancy and home insemination. You can also explore fertility-boosting supplements at Make a Mom.
Summary:
Purchasing hemorrhoid cream can be an embarrassing experience, especially for expectant mothers facing unexpected challenges. After realizing the discomfort of hemorrhoids, the journey from discovery to treatment can be fraught with awkward moments, from confronting a young cashier to navigating personal care routines. Seeking professional help can often provide quicker relief and a much needed escape from public scrutiny.