I consider myself quite inept when it comes to capitalism. It’s not that I don’t appreciate good old-fashioned money; I do, especially as someone with a significant amount of debt. What I mean is that I lack enthusiasm for chasing after profits, savings, and all those terms that ring like cheerful chimes to many.
However, my thoughts often revolve around money. Growing up in a household where finances were tight, discussions about money were frequent. Phrases like “we can’t afford that” and “no, we don’t have health insurance” were common. I even faced the harsh reality of being told, “If you don’t find the money by Friday, you can’t graduate.”
While struggling financially is tough, it also comes with a certain pride. When you’re in that situation, it’s easy to view those with wealth as spoiled and removed from the struggles of the real world.
The Unspoken Topic of Wealth
Interestingly, I found myself attending a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut, surrounded by peers who came from affluent backgrounds. Much to my astonishment, despite my constant preoccupation with money, discussions about wealth were virtually non-existent among my wealthy classmates. They seemed to follow an unspoken rule to never mention their financial status, as if they feared their luxurious vacations might be revoked by imaginary guardians of their fortunes.
Now, as an adult with my partner, we’ve reached a level of financial stability that I once deemed unattainable (our income just barely covers our debts each month). Despite this, I still notice a reluctance among friends to engage in conversations about money. Ask yourself: Do you know how much your closest friends earn? Your relatives? Your parents? It’s surprising how little we discuss this topic, even though we readily share our opinions on television finales or health issues. I can recount the details of my labor, yet I’ve only disclosed my annual income to a few trusted individuals, including my partner and accountant.
While I have an idea of who might earn six or even seven figures in my circle, the rest could be making anywhere between $55,000 and $500,000, and I wouldn’t know. I can identify personal struggles my friends face, but their financial realities remain a mystery.
The Fear of Financial Conversations
So, what holds us back? Is it the fear of being judged for our earnings—or lack thereof? Are those numbers the basis upon which we measure each other’s worth?
Keeping financial details private can sometimes be justified. For example, if I think we share the same economic background and later discover you have access to a significant trust fund, it might skew our discussions about real estate or education options. However, we all exist on a spectrum of income, and our financial needs are relative. If we were to wear labels indicating our net worth, we might feel both affluent and impoverished within a single day.
The conversations about money in my childhood often focused on the wrong aspects, emphasizing scarcity rather than teaching how to earn or manage it. I grew up without the expectation that I could accumulate wealth, which has hindered my financial acumen. Nobody informed me that a credit card APR of 19 percent is considered unfavorable.
This is why open dialogues about money are crucial. Others in our lives may have valuable insights, both practical and philosophical, that could aid our understanding of finances and our relationship to them.
Sharing Financial Wisdom
Consider this: I met my partner through mutual friends. I choose doctors and financial advisors based on trusted recommendations. When facing uncertainties about parenting, I reach out to friends or family for advice. My career is influenced by relationships built on trust. So why not extend this network to discuss finances?
Money deeply influences our daily lives—how we earn, spend, save, and worry about it. Yet, we treat the subject as taboo, discussing it only in silence. Without open conversations about our incomes and lifestyle choices, are we genuinely being honest with ourselves and each other? Money is intertwined with deeper issues such as values, ethics, and societal prejudices, making these discussions even more significant.
While these conversations may not be easy, they are undeniably important. Let’s support one another by sharing our financial experiences, whether they are successes, failures, or aspirations—perhaps after our next trip to the slopes in Switzerland.
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Summary
In summary, discussing finances is an essential yet often overlooked aspect of our lives. Many of us shy away from these conversations due to fear of judgment or discomfort. However, by sharing our experiences and knowledge about money, we can foster a more open and supportive environment. Recognizing that financial discussions encompass not just numbers but also our values and beliefs can lead to deeper connections with those around us.