Dear Parents,
It’s time we have an open conversation. We’ve been crossing paths for a while now—at the park, in the aisles of the supermarket, outside gymnastics, and rushing to catch the train after work. We exchange pleasantries, asking each other, “How are you?” and responding with “I’m fine.” Yet, deep down, we know that “fine” is often a facade.
What we really feel is a mix of exhaustion, concern, and frustration. We’re tired of running from store to store in search of the ideal snacks for school parties. We’re worn out from late nights spent crafting perfect birthday invitations, responding to work emails, and preparing lunches. We feel less than our best, having skipped makeup for days, missed haircuts for months, and perhaps even neglected a shower or two. We grapple with guilt over our grocery choices, where sugary cereals and frozen meals outweigh the organic options. Each night, we collapse into bed, mentally cataloging what we haven’t accomplished, only to rise to the sound of little voices demanding breakfast and the incessant ping of new emails piling onto our to-do list.
As we observe other parents seemingly gliding through their days, we often wonder, how do they manage it? This question is typically followed by a harsh inner dialogue that tells us we’re not measuring up, that we’re clueless and failing at parenting. Beneath that noise, we yearn for a reassuring whisper that tells us, “You’re doing a great job.”
So, let’s drop the pretense. Let’s abandon the automatic “I’m fine” in favor of honesty. It’s time to seek help when we need it and practice kindness toward ourselves. We need to embrace our imperfections and step away from the competition in parenting. The illusion that we can “have it all” is just that—an illusion. Instead of striving for perfection, let’s embrace being “good enough” parents.
Some may argue that our children deserve our very best—not just “good enough.” They might insist that we can’t afford to be lazy. But being a good enough parent doesn’t equate to loving our children any less or offering them less guidance. It’s about reducing pressure, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and embracing the reality of parenting. It’s about ceasing comparisons and the relentless pursuit of perfection while simply acknowledging our true feelings.
Let’s be real: some mornings, just getting everyone dressed and out the door on time is a victory. We don’t need to add the stress of packing artfully arranged lunches or ensuring the kids are in freshly laundered clothes. If pizza and baby carrots have been on the menu for three nights in a row? That’s perfectly fine! If date night means putting on your best yoga pants and watching a favorite show after getting the kids to bed? Good enough! If you’ve packed Lunchables and Capri Sun for a week straight? That’s good enough!
Parenting is undeniably challenging, and pretending otherwise is exhausting. The relentless comparisons and pressure to excel only add to the burden. Perhaps we could simply assume good intentions from ourselves and those around us. We’re all trying our best to raise kind, compassionate individuals while juggling numerous roles—partner, friend, sibling, coworker, and so many more. It’s no wonder we may feel like we’re falling short in various areas.
As a wise friend once said, “Every day, I fail at something; it’s just a matter of what.” We learn a little more about parenting each day, but the journey involves many ups and downs. While striving for improvement is commendable, chasing perfection is futile. With the stressors and commitments we already face, why add to our burden with unrealistic expectations? Why strive to be the perfect parent, employee, and partner all at once?
I can no longer bear the weight of perfection. My focus has shifted to being a “good enough” parent, and you know what? In doing so, I finally heard those longed-for words: “You’re doing a good job.”
And you know what else? So are you.
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Summary
Parenting is often a challenging journey filled with moments of doubt and exhaustion. This message encourages parents to embrace the concept of being “good enough” rather than striving for unattainable perfection. By letting go of comparisons and unrealistic expectations, we can support one another in this rewarding yet demanding role.