Parenting Insights from Emily Carter
Updated: June 29, 2017
Originally Published: October 12, 2014
Yesterday, I made a significant decision. I resolved to stop raising my voice—permanently. It has now been 24 hours since I made this commitment, and during that time, I have been acutely aware of every word I speak. This brief period allowed me to reflect on the 5 W’s: who, what, when, where, and why regarding my outbursts. My discoveries were quite revealing.
The Whos
Who triggers my yelling? Initially, I thought it was my children—after all, they seem to be the primary source of my frustration. However, I realized that this was a misattribution. No one forces me to yell; I allow myself to lose control. The responsibility lies with me, not with them.
The Whats
Next, I examined the situations that typically lead to my shouting. These instances usually revolve around disruptions to my time or finances. For example, when powdered sugar spills occur, it disrupts my carefully planned schedule, taking away from tasks I deem more important—like scrolling through social media. I often find myself exclaiming, “I don’t have time for this! What is wrong with you?” Similarly, if an item is broken—like a cherished picture frame or a lamp—my frustration escalates. “Do you have any idea how hard I work for these things?” I yell, unaware that these moments often stem from simple failures to follow directions.
The Whens and Wheres
When do I feel the urge to shout? The answer is straightforward: getting into the car, during mealtimes, and when I’m preoccupied with my computer or phone. All of these moments are catalysts for my frustrations.
The Whys
Finally, I pondered the reasons behind my yelling. At first glance, it seemed obvious: my children are misbehaving. But upon deeper reflection, I recognized that the root causes are often my own shortcomings.
- Laziness: How many times have I yelled upstairs for my kids? Or waited for them to come down instead of climbing the stairs myself? This laziness often leads to situations where I feel compelled to shout, like when I discover water dripping from the ceiling because I didn’t want to check on them.
- Poor Planning: When I fail to prepare meals ahead of time, chaos ensues. As the clock ticks toward dinner, the kids get restless, leading me to yell, “If you’d just leave me alone, I could get dinner ready!” This often escalates further, resulting in even bigger messes.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five children under ten, it is unrealistic to expect them to be ready and cooperative in a matter of minutes. They are children, not miniature adults, and it’s unreasonable to expect them to behave perfectly when they haven’t had my attention recently.
Ultimately, I realized that my children are not misbehaving; they are simply being themselves. The real issues lay within me, but moving forward, I am committed to keeping my voice calm.
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Summary: This article discusses the author’s decision to stop yelling at her children. Through an analysis of her reactions and the root causes of her frustration, she identifies personal issues such as laziness, poor planning, and unreasonable expectations as the primary drivers of her outbursts. By recognizing these factors, she aims to foster a more harmonious family environment.