As a parent, I made the decision to let my baby cry. I won’t dress it up with terms like “Sleep Training” or “CIO”; I simply allowed my child to cry so she could learn to soothe herself to sleep. This experience was undoubtedly one of the most challenging things I’ve faced as a mother, but it was also essential.
One night in December, with my partner away on business, my mother stepped in to help me manage my exhaustion as a new parent. The month had been particularly difficult, marked by the infamous 4-month sleep regression. My daughter, Mia, was struggling to sleep, and our situation had become untenable.
Each night, it would take us nearly two hours to get her to sleep. She often dozed off while nursing, but the moment I placed her in the crib, she would awaken, forcing us to start all over again. Once I finally succeeded in getting her down, she would wake up every hour or so, leading to a cycle of sleep deprivation for both of us.
Recognizing our dire need for rest, I made the decision to teach Mia how to fall asleep independently. I compared this process to taking her for necessary vaccinations. It would involve some crying, but it was a vital step for both of us.
On that initial night, Mia cried for 25 minutes while I sobbed in the shower, feeling like a terrible mother for leaving her to cry. My mother reassured me, reminding me that Mia was safe, well-fed, and not in distress—only wanting my presence. My heart ached, feeling as if I was failing her.
Yet, just when I thought I couldn’t endure another moment, Mia fell silent and drifted off to sleep. The relief I anticipated did not come; instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness, worrying that I had damaged our bond forever.
The following morning, as soon as Mia awoke, I rushed to her crib, eager to hold her and apologize for the previous night. To my surprise, she greeted me with a bright smile. How could she be so happy after the ordeal? It turned out, she was well-rested and content.
Over the next few nights, the crying diminished significantly. I knew we had to endure the initial pain of the first night again, but I remained hopeful. While the nights were still tough, Mia woke each morning with a cheerful demeanor.
While we still face challenging nights occasionally, Mia has become a much better sleeper, and her overall happiness has flourished. The decision to let her cry was not made lightly, and here are five reasons why I chose this path:
- We Needed Sleep: This may seem obvious, but sleep is crucial for both mothers and babies. I found myself functioning on fumes, but Mia needed restorative sleep just as much as I did. Her overtiredness affected her mood and overall well-being.
- Co-sleeping Wasn’t Effective: In my desperation to help Mia sleep, I attempted co-sleeping, which was a last resort. Unfortunately, it resulted in her being wide awake and wanting to play, making the situation more challenging.
- The Impact on My Marriage: The arrival of a new baby can disrupt a couple’s dynamic. With a non-sleeping baby, my partner and I felt more like roommates, missing quality time together that we once cherished.
- Reclaiming My Time: While I treasure my moments with Mia, I also value self-care. I looked forward to evenings when I could unwind with a glass of wine and some personal time, knowing she was peacefully sleeping.
- It Worked for Us: This topic can be polarizing, with some parents understanding and others condemning the approach as cruel. Ultimately, allowing Mia to learn to self-soothe was the best decision for our family.
As new parents, we often face countless opinions on the “right” approach to parenting, especially regarding sleep. What ultimately worked for us was tuning out external advice and trusting my instincts as a mother, listening to the true expert—my baby.
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In summary, allowing my baby to cry was a difficult yet necessary decision that ultimately led to better sleep and a happier child.