Updated: March 19, 2015
Originally Published: August 1, 2014
Welcome to Toddler Society, where the adults are on the outside looking in.
1st Directive of Toddler Society
Discussions about Toddler Society are strictly prohibited.
2nd Directive of Toddler Society
See the first directive.
3rd Directive of Toddler Society
Object vehemently to bath time. Once submerged, switch to protesting the exit.
4th Directive of Toddler Society
Respond to any inquiry with a firm no. The sole exception arises when asked, “Would you like a treat?”
5th Directive of Toddler Society
Bedtime is a myth. Inquire incessantly. Pose questions. Demand water. Insist on using the restroom. Request tissues, stories, fresh pajamas, or even a back rub. Just do not go to sleep.
6th Directive of Toddler Society
If a younger sibling is in distress, amplify your own cries to escalate household chaos.
7th Directive of Toddler Society
If served pasta, demand pizza. If granted pizza, revert to pasta.
8th Directive of Toddler Society
Under no circumstances should clothing be donned after a single request.
9th Directive of Toddler Society
Dinner is merely breakfast in disguise. Do not be deceived.
10th Directive of Toddler Society
If Mom says no, turn to Dad. If Dad also declines, inform Mom he agreed.
11th Directive of Toddler Society
Do not aim to consume all your food; your clothes require sustenance too.
12th Directive of Toddler Society
Anything with a crust is suspect. Rinds are not allies.
In one another we trust,
Toddler Coordination
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Summary: Toddler Society operates under a strict set of whimsical rules designed to maintain chaos and amusement. From bath time protests to the strategic manipulation of meal preferences, the directives serve to empower toddlers in their quest for autonomy. The amusing yet chaotic nature of these guidelines offers a humorous glimpse into the toddler mindset.