As I was picking up my son, Liam, from preschool, a curious little girl from his class tugged on my sleeve and asked, in front of my son, “Where is Liam’s daddy?” Without hesitation, I smiled and replied with my usual response, “He doesn’t have a daddy.” The girl paused, seemingly puzzled by this revelation. Before I could grab Liam’s lunchbox and escape the wave of potentially awkward inquiries, she asked, “Did his daddy pass away?”
“No,” I explained. “Liam just doesn’t have a daddy. Some families have both parents, and some have only a mom, or just a dad, or maybe even grandparents. Liam has me and a sister, and that’s his family.”
This response left me feeling like an oddity in the eyes of this five-year-old, who had been taught about the birds and the bees. She scrunched her face in confusion and began to ask, “But…”
Just then, Liam interjected, “I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Target?” He was completely unfazed by the earlier conversation. Absolutely! We can head to Target to celebrate his bravery in trying diced pears. High five!
At least for now, Liam understands our family dynamic. He doesn’t question why he lacks a traditional family structure or the fact that I am his sole parent. Since he was old enough to ask, I’ve gently told him that he doesn’t have a dad, and he seems perfectly fine with that. In fact, he’s thriving—happy, smart, and kind-hearted. He enjoys monster trucks, video games, and soccer, and he’s an affectionate little guy. He’s five years old and has never met his father.
The reasons behind this situation are part of my past, and I don’t dwell on them. I don’t feel victimized or wish things were different. I genuinely believe that choosing to raise Liam alone was the best decision for both of us, given our circumstances. While being a full-time working parent can be exhausting and occasionally financially challenging, I would not have it any other way. Well, maybe fewer gray hairs would be nice, but modern hair color products are quite effective!
As Father’s Day approaches, I prepare for the time of year when we honor my father, my cherished late grandfather (whose name Liam carries, in part), my brother-in-law, and myself. Although I’m a mother, I also play the role of a father in many aspects of Liam’s life. I am not seeking to take on a stereotypical father figure, but I strive to provide a well-rounded upbringing for my son, who lacks a strong male role model.
Every year, I have “the talk” with Liam’s teacher, as they change frequently. There are class activities where children create gifts for their fathers, and dads are invited for special breakfasts. I make it clear that I will be attending that breakfast and suggest that Liam can make crafts for his grandpa or uncle—or even for me. Hopefully, I’ll receive a homemade gift that I can proudly display alongside the charming painted jewelry box he made for me on Mother’s Day.
This piece is dedicated to all the remarkable single mothers out there, and to those hardworking parents who, while not technically solo, take on significant parenting responsibilities. There are also single fathers raising kids alone who equally deserve recognition on Mother’s Day. Perhaps it’s time to combine these celebrations into a unified Parent’s Day, held twice a year, ensuring we don’t miss out on opportunities for brunch and connection.
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In summary, being a single parent comes with its challenges and joys, and as we navigate these complexities, we celebrate the love and happiness in our families, regardless of traditional structures.