As a child, my summer days were often summarized by a simple directive from my parents: “Go outside and play.” However, in the era of modern parenting, allowing my kids to roam freely could quickly lead to chaos, leaving me unable to accomplish anything productive. Thus, I find myself spending considerable time creating intricate schedules and investing significant funds—yes, thousands—into activities that promise to keep my children engaged and stimulated during those hot, humid months.
With options ranging from sculpture to swimming, surfing to science, and much more, I can’t help but ponder: where are the programs that cater to the needs of exhausted parents? Sure, I appreciate a good macaroni necklace, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a camp designed with moms in mind? The solution struck me: Fantasy Camp. Below is a glimpse into this dream camp, and I’m generously offering this idea for free to anyone willing to bring it to life—just reserve me two spots.
- Absolutely, Mom: In this week-long boot camp, children will grasp the significance of those two magical words you long to hear when requesting their assistance. They’ll be penalized for uttering phrases like “in a minute” or “do I have to?” during camp hours. This camp has quickly become a favorite, so early registration is encouraged!
CAMP NOTES: Healthy snacks included. Complaining campers will be redirected to our sister program, Quiet and Eat. - Quiet and Eat: A rigorous week awaits your child, who will emerge with a newfound respect for the effort behind every meal. They will learn about the grocery list, the parking lot struggle, and the art of presenting food beautifully on a plate. Camp motto: “It’s here, it’s hot, and someone else made it—so just eat it.”
CAMP NOTES: Completion of the prerequisite, Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me, is recommended. - Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me: This interactive camp focuses on the nuances of nonverbal communication. Extended sessions will cover various expressions, including hands-on-hips, muttering, and dramatic sighs.
CAMP NOTES: Campers not showing improvement by mid-week may be transferred to Absolutely, Mom. - Bathroom Etiquette 101: This two-week camp covers essential bathroom skills, including changing empty toilet paper rolls, rinsing toothpaste, and the correct use of a bath mat. Special emphasis will be placed on proper toilet flushing.
CAMP NOTES: Families enrolling in Absolutely, Mom and Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me receive a 10% discount. - Pick It Up, Please: On the first day, children will be introduced to the concept that their belongings do not magically disappear. They will learn practical skills for managing their space, from dirty laundry to stray snacks.
CAMP NOTES: This camp is often unpopular, so early registration is advised for effective behavior management. - Be Kind to Your Sibling: This program essentially combines bribery and gentle coercion—conveniently disguised as free childcare.
CAMP NOTES: Good luck navigating this one!
NEW CAMPS ADDED WEEKLY, AND CUSTOM REQUESTS ARE WELCOME! LET US CREATE A CAMP TAILORED TO YOUR NEEDS!
Special Note: Due to popular demand, spouses can now enroll in any of our camps as well!
For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this informative post on CDC’s website. If you’re interested in home insemination kits, visit Cryobaby’s website.
In summary, as the summer approaches, consider these creative camp options that not only enrich your child’s experience but also provide a much-needed breather for you as a parent.