One late afternoon, I found myself immersed in work at the kitchen table when my eldest son, Ethan, burst through the garden doors, bringing in a chill alongside his flushed cheeks and wide smile. A helmet perched precariously on his head. “Mom!” he called out, but my focus was still on the computer screen. “Mom!” he repeated, “I can ride a bike!” Suddenly, he had my undivided attention.
We had purchased a sleek new bicycle for his fifth birthday, two years prior. It was a size larger, as Ethan is notably tall for his age. The shopkeeper had assured us it would allow for growth, but in hindsight, it may have been a miscalculation. Although Ethan was tall, he was also cautious. During our initial rides, I found myself gripping the back of his seat, desperately trying to balance both him and the bike as he wobbled through the streets, training wheels providing only minimal support.
After several attempts, our enthusiasm waned. The rainy autumn transitioned into an even rainier winter, and the bike was left to gather dust and rust. Meanwhile, Ethan welcomed the arrival of two younger siblings. By the time spring came around, my ability to tend to his needs had diminished significantly. I struggled to find the time or energy to teach him how to ride, and Ethan found other outdoor activities that didn’t involve me.
As children grow, a natural process of detachment occurs. Sometimes, it happens gradually, marked by the passage of time and birthdays. Other times, it is hastened by life changes, such as the arrival of new babies, which inevitably creates a gap between a mother and her older child. Where I once felt intimately connected to Ethan’s daily routines, I now found myself tucking him in at night, only to hear snippets of his day that felt foreign and unfamiliar.
That summer, Ethan began to forge new friendships, something that had never come easily to him. Our neighborhood development leads directly to a parking lot, with a path connecting to backyards of other homes containing boys his age. Initially hesitant, we ultimately agreed to let him join them in play. Ethan, nearly six, was ready for some independence.
Soon, a group of children became a reliable fixture in our lives. After school, Ethan and his siblings would eagerly seek out their friends, whether the weather was pleasant or not. They would race up and down the sidewalk, each taking turns on various bicycles. Among them were bikes of all types, some with training wheels and some without, including balance bikes designed to help children learn stability without relying on external support.
This scenario serves as a powerful metaphor for parenting. In one approach, we allow our children to learn self-reliance as they navigate their journey toward adulthood, even if they occasionally wobble. In another, we provide support, which feels safer but may impede their ability to find their own balance. This reflection brings to mind how I once tried to urge Ethan to walk at 13 months, pulling him along the room even when he resisted. Those moments were more for my own satisfaction than his readiness, as I was eager for him to reach milestones quickly.
Eventually, he took his first steps, and I was there to witness that milestone, just as I was for his first use of the potty, first button, and first word. However, there was a distinct pride in his eyes when he came rushing through the garden doors recently to show me that he had learned to ride a bike independently. This moment, where I realized I had not directly taught him, was softened by the joy he radiated in having accomplished something by himself—on his own timeline.
For parents, this realization about growing up is profound: while the milestones we share with our children are undoubtedly sweet, the ones they reach without us can often be even more rewarding.
This essay was first published at Brain, Child Magazine. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, you can explore resources available on Science Daily and check out Make a Mom for authoritative information. Additionally, our privacy policy can be found here.
Summary
This narrative encapsulates the emotional journey of a mother witnessing her child reach significant milestones. Through the lens of Ethan’s biking experience, it reflects on the balance between guiding children and allowing them to grow independently. The joy of seeing children achieve milestones on their own underscores the bittersweet nature of parenting.