Three years ago, my eldest daughter transitioned into the tween stage almost unnoticed. It was likely during a moment when I was preoccupied with my younger children. By the time I recognized the change, I found myself struggling to catch up. I immersed myself in reputable literature about tween girls, explored parenting blogs for support and insights, sought advice from friends, and often felt overwhelmed. I aimed to establish a meaningful parenting strategy that would resonate with both of us.
Here are six key insights I’ve gathered about raising a tween girl:
1. She is her own person.
Reflecting on my own middle school experiences, where I faced teasing and exclusion, I often find myself reliving those emotions when my daughter shares her own challenges with friends. However, I must remind myself that her feelings and reactions are distinct from mine. My role is to offer her love and guidance as she navigates her own unique experiences.
2. Be present.
I am the parent who often enters her room, sits on the bed, and asks about her day. While she occasionally opens up, it’s becoming less frequent. I’m learning to simply be available when she’s ready to talk. This may mean putting aside my work when she approaches or allowing her younger sibling some TV time for a few moments of connection. It’s crucial to give her space while showing my genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings.
3. Set boundaries.
Living with a tween involves a constant stream of requests: “Can I watch that new movie?” “Can I change my hair color?” “Can I have a sleepover?” It can be tempting to acquiesce to avoid conflict, but it’s essential to uphold boundaries. My daughter may not understand it now, but the structure I provide is crucial for her sense of security and well-being.
4. Embrace flexibility at times.
As my daughter matures, the rigid rules of her younger years need to be adjusted. For instance, she can stay up a little later if she meets her responsibilities. Granting her more privileges offers her opportunities to develop confidence and responsibility, fostering trust in our relationship, which will be beneficial when she’s older.
5. Recognize emotional intensity.
When discussing a rule she dislikes, I sometimes encounter strong reactions. Her immediate emotional responses can be overwhelming, and it’s vital to remember that these fluctuations are part of her development. Instead of reacting with frustration, I strive to pause the conversation until we’ve both calmed down.
6. Express love consistently.
At this stage, my daughter is often inundated with changes, from physical appearance to academic pressures. Regardless of her mood or circumstances, it’s important for her to hear that she is loved. This affirmation can also help defuse potential conflicts, such as disagreements over clothing choices.
As I adapt to the realities of parenting a tween, I recognize that my daughter will soon turn 13. While I may not feel fully prepared to navigate the teen years, I’m committed to being attentive and supportive during this transformative time.
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Summary
Raising a tween girl requires understanding her individuality, being present, setting boundaries, allowing flexibility, recognizing emotional responses, and consistently expressing love. As she approaches her teenage years, these insights will help strengthen your relationship and support her development.