When it comes to colds, we often hear about the infamous “Man Cold”—a phenomenon where adult men exhibit exaggerated symptoms and behaviors akin to toddlers when faced with a minor ailment. As a mother, I can confidently say that I have experienced this phenomenon myself, albeit in a slightly different context. When illness strikes my household, it often falls to me to juggle caregiving, cleaning, and maintaining a semblance of normalcy, despite being the sickest one of all.
The “Mom Cold” comes with nine distinct stages that every mother must navigate. Here’s a detailed guide on how to manage the chaos that inevitably ensues:
Stage One: Whining
Initially, the complaints are minor and somewhat endearing. It starts with requests for tissues or soup but quickly escalates to dramatic grievances over the texture of tissues or the flavor of medicine—grape versus cherry, as if the world depended on it.
Stage Two: Running Noses and Fevers
As you scramble to find comforting remedies, you suddenly hear the unmistakable sound of a nose being blown. You freeze, realizing that the tissues you need are in your hand. In a panic, you rush to the living room only to find your little one using his shirt as a makeshift tissue. Meanwhile, you feel chills creeping in—congratulations, you’ve caught a fever.
Stage Three: Comfort
This is the stage where you relinquish any hopes of maintaining a tidy home. You dress everyone in cozy pajamas, gather tissues, popsicles, and the remote control, and finally settle on the couch. Just as you’re about to get comfortable, you hear, “Mom, my tummy hurts,” followed by an unfortunate incident of vomit!
Stage Four: Meds
It’s too soon for another dose of Tylenol, and you wish you could just take an Ambien and sleep. Instead, you prepare broth and warm packs while mediating disputes over the TV remote. Your headache intensifies, and your throat begins to feel scratchy.
Stage Five: What Was I Doing?
The chaos escalates as your children’s noses run freely, and one of them coughs violently. You find yourself disoriented, forgetting whether you were headed to the bathroom or the kitchen. Congratulations, you are officially delirious and exhausted—time to make lunch!
Stage Six: Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever, Right?
Amid the constant whining, you struggle to keep track of lunch orders. You mutter under your breath that you’re not a diner while rummaging through the fridge for leftovers. You prepare a hearty meal, only to be met with protests as the kids demand more popsicles.
Stage Seven: Lost Voices & Hot Toddies
Your voice diminishes, which is a relief, as you’re tempted to scream at the chaos around you. Motherhood is a true test of patience and resilience, right?
Stage Eight: Sleep
After a day filled with endless PBS Kids reruns and begging for peace and quiet, the kids finally settle in for the night. However, you collapse at the foot of one child’s bed, only to wake them with your congested snoring. You start to reconsider your life choices, including the notion of boarding school.
Stage Nine: On The Mend
Despite a lack of rest and proper nutrition, you somehow emerge from the Mom Cold. Everyone is still alive, no longer contagious, though your home resembles a disaster zone. The laundry pile looms large, but you’ve survived.
Bonus Prize!
You arrange for the kids to spend an afternoon at their grandparents’ house, allowing you a precious moment to catch up on cleaning—or more accurately, napping.
These nine stages of the Mom Cold illustrate the remarkable resilience of mothers as they navigate the trials of illness. The next time someone grumbles about a “Man Cold,” just smile and remember the strength of a mother amidst the chaos.
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In summary, the journey through a Mom Cold is fraught with challenges, but it’s also a testament to the unwavering strength of motherhood.