As summer drags on, I find myself languishing in the heat, desperately trying to juggle work and the seemingly endless boredom of my children. The relentless calls for snacks and outdoor playtime clash with my deadlines, leading to an exhausting season. However, nothing fills me with dread quite like the annual ritual of school supply shopping. The extensive and often specific supply list feels like an elaborate punishment for simply wanting my kids back in the classroom.
In the spirit of finding humor in the situation, here are six activities I’d prefer over the exhausting task of shopping for school supplies:
- Undergoing Multiple Root Canals
The time commitment and the number of dental visits would still require less effort than tracking down that elusive 10-pack of washable markers (Classic colors only, please!) and five, 1-inch white binders with transparent sleeves. - Teaching Preschoolers to Tie Their Shoes
This would likely be less aggravating than spending hours searching for supplies, only to discover that the 2-pocket blue folders I found are paper instead of the required plastic. - Expressing My Dog’s Anal Glands
The odor would be far less offensive than the lingering stench of frustration and exhaustion from other parents sharing the same supply shopping plight—often with cranky kids in tow. - Giving Up Bacon for a Year
The sorrow I’d experience from missing out on bacon would be dwarfed by the stress of standing in line at the fifth store, only to find out they ran out of the reserved white Magic Rub pencil erasers—the only acceptable option. - Getting a Full Body Wax
The discomfort would be less intense than the shriek my daughter emits when she discovers that the highly sought-after One Direction high-top shoes do not comply with school uniform regulations. - Committing to Daily Affection for My Partner for a Month
And yes, this includes swallowing.
While I could brainstorm even more alternatives to avoid school supply shopping, I first need to decipher the long lists (one for each child!), drag my kids through at least five stores to find the right items, and then deal with the inevitable returns of incorrectly purchased goods. And then there’s the task of labeling each individual crayon. Seriously, who has the time, money, patience, or stamina for this?
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In summary, the back-to-school season can feel more like a scavenger hunt designed to test every parent’s limits, but remembering the alternatives may help lighten the burden.