It can feel uplifting to be noticed and appreciated by men and women alike. Many women, to varying degrees, desire to be desired. We yearn to be acknowledged, to feel seen, and to embrace our beauty. Thus, when a man comments on our appearance, it can be flattering—at least at times.
Throughout my life, including my middle school years, I have been “noticed” by men. I vividly recall an incident in the 6th grade when I was riding my bike and an older man in a truck rolled down his window, whistled at me, and made a crude gesture with his mouth. At that moment, I didn’t understand the meaning behind it, but I felt uncomfortable and violated. Such incidents have occurred regularly since, as certain men seem to perceive women as objects for their enjoyment. This objectification is disheartening.
Over time, I have learned to avoid eye contact with these men and to walk past them as if I am oblivious to their derogatory comments about my body. I have become adept at suppressing my disgust at their behavior and words. After high school, I experienced several instances of sexual abuse, leading me to internalize the belief that my worth to men was primarily sexual—and somehow, that was my fault.
People have often described me as a sensual individual. I remember discussing my traumatic experiences in a counseling session, and the counselor remarked, “You are a very sensual person.” I was taken aback and asked for clarification. She explained that my mannerisms and style of dress exuded sensuality. This left me with the unsettling realization that my beauty somehow justified the mistreatment I faced.
No one ever makes inappropriate comments about one’s intellect or kindness. There are no catcalls about one’s exceptional parenting skills or about being an amazing friend. Instead, the focus is almost exclusively on physical attributes and what they can do for others’ gratification.
Recently, a married man expressed interest in me. At first, the innocent flirting was enjoyable and made me feel attractive after years of focusing solely on motherhood. However, upon realizing he was married, the situation soured, echoing a familiar narrative: men often prioritize their desires over the humanity of women.
Society seems to place women in a challenging position. If a woman is deemed attractive or acknowledges her beauty, it appears to invite unwarranted attention and inappropriate advances. This is both absurd and frustrating.
I take pride in my appearance and work hard to maintain my body. I enjoy dressing nicely, not for the sake of men but because it boosts my self-esteem. Yet, when I receive unwanted attention, I feel compelled to cover up, to shy away from my own beauty, and to suppress my confidence. It creates an internal conflict that is exhausting.
The reality is that some men are driven by their desires, often disregarding the person behind the physical appearance. While not all men behave this way, those who do create an environment where women feel unsafe and objectified.
To those men who believe women exist for their pleasure: we are not here for your amusement. Your catcalls are not flattering; they are degrading. Your attempts to flirt while hiding your marital status do not uplift me—they make me uncomfortable.
I refuse to dress in a way that invites commentary or to walk with my head down to avoid unwanted attention. I should not feel guilty for dressing in a way that makes me feel confident and beautiful. My identity is not a tool for your gratification. My beauty is not a commodity to be claimed, and my body is not yours to objectify.
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In summary, women are multifaceted individuals deserving of respect and autonomy over their bodies. Objectification undermines this, and it is imperative that society shifts towards recognizing and valuing women as complete beings rather than mere objects of desire.