In December 2009, my family traveled to Ethiopia and welcomed our son, Leo, on Christmas Day. This little boy has transformed my perspective on life. He brings joy, keeps me alert, and often challenges my views.
Some of the most enlightening discussions happen during our morning car rides to school, particularly between 7:30 AM and 7:50 AM. During these twenty minutes, Leo shares his thoughts, asks questions, and narrates stories that teach me so much.
However, one morning, I was caught off guard by a conversation I hadn’t anticipated so soon in his life. The day before, I had taken Leo to the dermatologist for his annual eczema check-up, which is a quick and routine visit. I explained that he sometimes experiences rashes when his skin gets dry, similar to what I experience. The doctor had reassured him that he looked great.
So, on that particular morning, when I heard Leo ask from the backseat, “Mommy, why did I go to the dermatologist yesterday?” I responded, “Just to check your eczema. It’s quite common. You looked great! We just need to keep applying your cream!” To which he replied, “I don’t like my skin.”
My heart sank. I had dreaded hearing those words, but I didn’t expect them to come from my almost four-year-old son. “EJ,” I said, “I love your skin. You have beautiful brown skin.”
“It’s too dark,” he replied.
I was devastated. I wanted to pull over right then and there. “Leo, many of your friends have brown skin too,” I said, desperately listing their names. “What kind of skin do you want?” I feared I already knew the answer.
“Skin like yours,” he said.
I felt overwhelmed, sad, and unprepared for such a significant moment at 7:30 AM. The truth is, I never wanted him to feel this way, and it was clear he had been grappling with these feelings for some time. Despite our efforts to foster self-acceptance, I realized how naive I was to believe we could avoid this topic altogether.
“Leo, you have beautiful skin. Everyone has different skin colors. Imagine how dull the world would be if we all looked the same. Remember how excited you were to learn about rainbows in school? People are like rainbows, with diverse colors, and all are beautiful. Your brown skin is just as beautiful as mine, even if it’s different. There’s no such thing as too dark or too light.”
“Okay,” he replied as we arrived at school.
This conversation is just the beginning. I called my partner, Sam, on my way to work to share what had transpired, and I could hear the sadness in his voice as he realized this moment had come. Later, I spoke with a colleague who offered invaluable insight and support, for which I was grateful.
I wish we didn’t have to navigate these complex issues with Leo—not for our sake but because I see the confusion and pain it causes him. I would do anything to spare him from that. Yet, I know it’s an unavoidable part of life.
I welcome any guidance, reading recommendations, or personal stories from those who have more experience navigating these challenges. More than anything, I hope to ensure that Leo understands his worth and embraces his identity, even if it differs from ours. Our best approach is to continually show him the countless reasons we love him and support his journey toward self-acceptance.
That evening, I asked Leo if he wanted to look at his Ethiopia book. As we flipped through photos of his birth family, I smiled and said, “Your birth mommy and daddy have brown skin just like you! And their skin is beautiful!” He grinned and nodded, “Yep!”
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Summary
The article reflects on a poignant conversation between a mother and her son, Leo, about self-acceptance and skin color. After a routine dermatologist visit, Leo expresses discomfort with his brown skin, leading to a heartfelt discussion about beauty in diversity. The mother emphasizes the importance of embracing one’s identity while seeking guidance from others on navigating these complex topics.