Updated: Dec. 24, 2014
Originally Published: March 18, 2013
It’s difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when my perspective shifted, but recently, as I was changing my clothes, I glanced at my naked form in the mirror. For the first time in years, I truly examined my body. In the past, this ritual often ended in disappointment and frustration. I felt small and defeated, constantly hindered by my perceived flaws. Mirrors served as painful reminders of my shortcomings, prompting me to avoid them whenever possible.
However, that day was different. Staring back at me was a nearly 40-year-old woman, devoid of wrinkles and with only a few gray hairs. While I may be a size larger than I desire, I recognized an undeniable appeal in my body. My legs are strong, supporting me in all my daily endeavors. Yes, my arms show signs of weight gain, but they are the same arms that embrace my loved ones. My hips and waist may be wider than I once envisioned, yet they have nurtured and carried my children. My breasts, though lower than I would like, have nourished my daughters and facilitated their healthy beginnings.
I am not defined by my physical attributes; I am the essence of the woman behind this body. I have spent 15 years in recovery from various eating disorders, and while I am not claiming to be completely free from the struggle, I can finally say that the reflection in the mirror no longer incites feelings of self-hatred or the urge to punish myself. Instead, I aspire to be healthier and know how to achieve it. With determination, I can pursue my goals without discouragement or self-doubt.
For too long, I hid behind excuses, but I now realize that my body is not as bad as I once thought. It simply requires some care, and I must cultivate a deeper sense of forgiveness towards myself. I am worthy of love and happiness; the misery I once endured served no purpose and was self-inflicted. It’s clear that no one else equates my worth with my size—this was a perception I had created in my mind.
Acceptance cannot be forced; it must arise naturally. Much like love, self-acceptance often appears when you least expect it. I stand at the threshold of a transformative journey, altering my internal landscape. While I still dream of long, lean legs and toned arms, I am choosing to love myself as I am. My body, though not fitting societal molds, is remarkable in its own right. The beauty within me far exceeds any superficial standard. I don’t judge my friends by their appearances, and I trust they do not judge me in the same way. We connect on a deeper level, valuing substance over surface.
It’s time I extend the same unconditional love to myself that I readily offer to others.
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In summary, my journey towards body acceptance has been long and winding, but I have come to recognize the importance of loving myself as I am. The struggle I faced was largely self-imposed, and it is time to embrace the beauty that exists within and around me.