When one embarks on the journey of parenthood, it seems as though infants have their own unwritten code, akin to the Hippocratic Oath taken by physicians or the Naturalization Oath for new citizens. If they could articulate their intentions, it might sound something like this:
I solemnly affirm to be a delightful mixture of absolute charm and overwhelming chaos. I will show no respect for your belongings; everything you own is now my playground. Expect a full diaper as you prepare to leave the house, and if I am outfitted for a special occasion, be ready for an unexpected mess.
I will choose the most inopportune moments to spit up on you, especially when you are wearing your only clean shirt. I shall reject any nourishment you offer while gleefully attempting to consume anything else that could be detrimental to my well-being. Public crying will become my specialty; it will be spontaneous and without a clear cause.
Naptime will be a foreign concept to me, yet I will be inexplicably tired during your important tasks. You will experience fleeting moments of blissful cuddling, quickly followed by random flailing and headbutting. I will possess an uncanny ability to sense your fatigue and demand to be held, rocked, and serenaded at precisely those times.
I will defy all principles of physics and safety measures, rendering your efforts to baby-proof the environment futile. My favorite song, book, or show will be on repeat until you reach your breaking point. I will disrupt your sleep, personal hygiene, and meals, starting the moment you bring me home from the hospital.
I will master crawling before you expect it, walk when you are least prepared, and run swiftly and far. I vow to grow at an astonishing rate, reaching my first birthday in the blink of an eye, leaving you wondering, “When did you get so big?”
Ultimately, I will be worth it… (at least until the toddler years.)
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In summary, navigating the challenges of infant care is a complex yet rewarding journey that combines joy and chaos in equal measure.