Dear Beloved Children,
Tonight, I found myself yielding to social pressure—a scenario I continuously advise you to avoid. I joined some friends to watch Fifty Shades of Grey, dismissing the inner voice that suggested I should decline the invitation. After all, it was just a film, right? In hindsight, that voice was wise, and while I regret not heeding it, I am grateful for the chance to share these thoughts with you.
One day, it will dawn on me that you are of an age where you might engage with films like Fifty Shades of Grey. You may even be tempted to sneak a viewing sooner than I anticipate. Regardless, I must confront the reality that your innocent minds will encounter this problematic content eventually.
I write this so that when that moment arrives, you will recognize Fifty Shades of Grey for what it truly represents, rather than what it pretends to be.
What Fifty Shades of Grey Is Not
To begin, let me clarify what Fifty Shades of Grey is not. It is not a love story. Although it may appear to be one, true love has no role in this narrative. It is certainly not a romantic fairy tale with a hint of mischief. In fact, it lacks any semblance of romance. The depiction of S&M in this film is far from innocent; it portrays a troubling dynamic where a wealthy, attractive man exploits his power to seduce and manipulate a naive young woman into compromising situations against her will.
In this narrative, there is no equality or partnership. Instead, it showcases a self-absorbed man’s controlling and violent sexual urges, coupled with an alarming entitlement to exploit a vulnerable woman. His desires overshadow her comfort, and the expectation that she will comply is unsettling.
As I sat in the theater, surrounded by countless women who seemed to embrace this so-called “sensual love story,” I felt a sense of dread. If an entire audience of women, many of whom are much older than you, couldn’t recognize the harmful messages, how can I expect younger viewers to see through the facade?
A Message to My Daughters and Sons
Daughters, please don’t be deceived by the romanticization of abusive behavior portrayed in this film. Sons, don’t ever think it’s acceptable to intimidate or manipulate a woman in the way the character Christian Grey does. No one deserves to be disrespected or violated.
When the time comes for you to enter into relationships, I hope you will understand that intimacy should always be enjoyable for both parties involved. Consent must be clear and enthusiastic; anything less is not consent. I hope you will demand respect and give it in return.
After watching the film, I left the cinema feeling anxious and saddened for your generation. If this is the template for love and romance that you encounter, I need to make some crucial distinctions clear:
- If someone shows up unannounced at your workplace and becomes possessive, that’s not romantic—it’s invasive.
- If someone disregards your boundaries, such as violently taking your virginity, that is not love—it is assault.
- If a partner tracks your movements or takes advantage of you while impaired, that is not protection—it is stalking.
- If someone enters your space without invitation, it’s not romance—it’s a violation of privacy.
- And if someone disregards your refusal and resorts to coercion, that is not passion—it is a crime.
- If a partner makes decisions for you without your consent and tries to surprise you with gifts, that is manipulation.
- Monitoring your communications and threatening you based on interactions with others is not love—it is abuse.
This film deeply disturbed me, and as a parent, it frightens me to think that you might grow up viewing such narratives as normal.
The True Essence of Love
Remember, true love is gentle. Love does not take; it gives. Love respects boundaries and awaits consent. It doesn’t rely on grand gestures or expensive gifts to prove its worth. When love is present, the voice in your head doesn’t scream; it simply reassures you.
Please take these words to heart, and if you ever find yourself doubting, trust that inner voice.
With all my love,
Mum
Further Reading
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Summary
This letter addresses the misconceptions surrounding the film Fifty Shades of Grey, emphasizing the importance of recognizing unhealthy relationships and the true essence of love. It encourages critical thinking about romance and consent while offering resources for further exploration on related topics.