Parenting
By Emily Johnson
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: Feb. 9, 2013
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, toddlers might as well be from an entirely different galaxy. It often leaves me questioning whether my toddlers and I are communicating in the same language. Spoiler alert: we’re not. When I manage to carve out a precious 45 seconds for myself, I find myself musing over the unbridgeable gap in our conversations.
The translations between my toddlers and me are baffling. It’s akin to visiting France and trying to order a glass of water in Swahili. For all I know, the local might think I’m requesting to purchase a horse adorned with a pink fedora. Seriously, who even wears fedoras these days?
Here are a few examples of this hilarious miscommunication:
- What I say: Please pick up your toys.
What my toddler hears: Let’s take all the cars and scatter them everywhere. - What I say: Please eat your dinner.
What my toddler hears: Make the broccoli and carrots race around the table, up your arm, and over your forehead. Then, meow like a cat for four uninterrupted minutes. - What I say: Get dressed.
What my toddler hears: Silence. - What I say: Please stop touching that.
What my toddler hears: Go ahead and keep touching that. - What I say: Don’t jump off the stairs.
What my toddler hears: That. Was. AMAZING! Next time, try a tuck and roll into a somersault right onto the dining room table. - What I say: Please share with your sister.
What my toddler hears: Never, ever let her have that toy. Protect it like it’s the last toy on Earth. - What I say: No.
What my toddler hears: Ask me thirty more times. - What I say: Please put on your shoes.
What my toddler hears: Take off your shirt and balance your pants on your head.
Perhaps I should just relocate to Venus. If there’s any life there, I suspect the communication barriers would be just as perplexing as conversing with my children. At least I’d anticipate them repeating the same question thirty times and wearing their pants on their heads along with pink fedoras on their feet.
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In summary, the communication gap between toddlers and adults can be both amusing and challenging. Understanding what we say versus what they interpret can help us navigate these precious, albeit perplexing, moments in parenting.