The concept of an “adult coloring book” typically revolves around intricate illustrations that cater to mature themes, such as nature or spirituality. These books often find their way to your cart after an exhausting day spent navigating unsolicited advice from well-meaning strangers about the appropriateness of your child’s outfit, handling tantrums in multiple aisles, and managing an unfortunate diaper disaster in the dairy section that leaves you questioning your life choices. At the end of such a chaotic day, you might find a moment of peace to unwind on the couch with a set of colored pencils, filling in the minutiae of a complex design, perhaps a dizzying mandala.
As someone who enjoys a good challenge, I created my own adult coloring book specifically for new parents. These illustrations aim to provide some levity and relaxation as you reflect on the daily trials of parenting. Picture this: a tiny, wailing infant with a (large) glass of wine beside you, amidst the chaos of a marker that the family dog just attempted to consume. Take a deep breath and embrace the reality of your unique scent, a delightful blend of baby spit-up and remnants of an old diaper. Namaste.
Drawing 1: You’re Running Late, and Just as You Secure Your Baby in the Car Seat, She Decides to Have a Diaper Explosion
Clara Thompson
John Miller
Did you have plans today? Not if your baby has anything to say about it. There’s a near certainty that the moment you strap your baby into their car seat, they will unleash a torrent of unpleasantness. Relax with this illustration while recalling the pediatrician’s reprimand for your tardiness, even after enduring a 35-minute wait in the clinic.
Drawing 2: Elderly Woman in the Parking Lot Critiques Your Parenting Because Your Baby Is Barefoot in 60-Degree Weather
Clara Thompson
You truly don’t grasp the volume of unsolicited guidance available until you become a parent. Once you venture out with your little one, seemingly wise old ladies will emerge to inform you of all the ways you’re “doing it wrong.” “Did you know your baby could suffer lifelong health issues without a hat for just thirty seconds outside?” In response, you might consider telling them that your child’s favorite snack is dog hair, she rarely wears pants, and when she screams, you let her enthusiastically lick your phone. In essence, “Please excuse yourself.”
Drawing 3: You Turn Away for Just a Moment, and Now Your Baby Has Consumed Some Driveway Gravel
Clara Thompson
Driveway gravel is technically a rock, and rocks are minerals, right? One of the early lessons I learned as a new mom is that vacuuming obsessively throughout the day yields little results. Your child possesses an uncanny ability to locate anything remotely unsanitary on the floor. That pretzel stick you dropped last March? Gone. The driveway gravel? In their mouth. Your child is perpetually hungry.
Drawing 4: Your Baby Appears to Have a Distaste for Pants, Particularly in Public, and You Feel the Stares of Judgment
Clara Thompson
The only thing your child despises more than pants is being still. Pants hinder their capacity to make you appear as a competent parent. If you manage to get pants on them, rest assured they will drag them through your home, which seems to have never been vacuumed. Everyone’s eyes are on you and your pantsless wonder. Refer back to Drawing 3 for a comforting reminder: you are not alone.
Congratulations on embarking on this new artistic venture! It’s essential for parents to carve out some “me” time. When I’m not wrapped up in the joys of motherhood or coloring, I dedicate my time to slipping into a stained sweatsuit, rocking in a corner, and exclaiming, “Don’t touch me!” to my partner. I suggest using colored pencils over markers for a more calming experience.
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Summary
This article presents a humorous take on the challenges new parents face, using the concept of a coloring book to provide a light-hearted perspective on everyday parenting disasters. From diaper explosions to unsolicited advice from strangers, the author uses relatable illustrations to capture the chaotic yet rewarding journey of parenthood.