“Emily! It’s so good to see you! How has this year treated you?”
“Whoa, whoa! Hold on there, buddy! Sunscreen first!”
“Sorry, it’s just been ages since we last caught up. How are your little ones doing?”
“Seriously, stop moving! I might accidentally get sunscreen in your eyes!”
“So, how was their school year? Did they enjoy it?”
“No! You can’t have a snack yet! We just got here!”
“That’s wonderful to hear! I’m really pleased for you.”
“I don’t care if you claim you’re hungry; you just had lunch! Now go swim!”
“Pardon me for the interruption. So glad to hear you all are well. Do you have any plans for summer?”
“Stop splashing your brother! He clearly doesn’t like it, and no one else wants to hear him cry!”
“Right, summer plans! Are you going anywhere exciting?”
“No snacks yet! If you ask again, you’ll get nothing. Now swim!”
“The beach! That sounds amazing! Our family intends to go to the…”
“Oh no! I forgot the sunscreen for the baby. Just a moment.”
“Sorry, buddy! I know you dislike this, but you’ll thank me later. Now, back to your water bucket.”
“Anyway, we plan to hit the beach at the (sniff, sniff) … Oh no! The baby just pooped!”
“Why couldn’t you have done that earlier? Alright, everyone out of the pool for a minute! Into the locker room! Do I even need to explain why? Do you want a snack later? I thought so! Now march! Okay, deep breath. Does anyone need to use the bathroom before we get back in the water?… No? Good!”
“Ah, the beach sounds so rejuvenating… one, two, three… relaxing. Speaking of which, do you think we will ever have the luxury of…”
“OH MY GOSH! Do not squirt the lifeguard again! You need to apologize right now!”
“Will we ever be those moms who can close their eyes and sunbathe? Oh no! Where’s child number two? I see one and three, but not two! Oh thank goodness, there he is!”
“Stay away from the snack bar! You just gave me a heart attack! No snacks right now, understood?”
“Seriously! Why do you seem so composed? Am I the only neurotic parent here?”
“Get back in time out, young man.”
“Neurotic? Me? Absolutely! I could really use a…”
“Fine! You can come out of time out, but you’ll go back if you squirt the lifeguard again.”
“Where was I? Ah yes, a drink would be amazing…”
“In ten minutes, okay? You can have a snack then.”
“Ugh, maybe I’ll skip the drink and go for a shot instead.”
“No, ice cream is not a snack! A snack is something like chips or pretzels!”
“People think we just lounge by the pool all day and…” one, two, three… “relax. Emily? Emily?”
“Sweetheart, did you see where my friend went? Great! Now you’ve scared her off! Why can’t you just sit with your buckets and behave instead of crying and messing around? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”
But fear not, fellow anxious moms—this serene moment can exist in our dreams.
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