Sleep has always been a challenge for my eldest child. In those early years, the struggle for sleep felt almost comforting; her intense need for me alleviated the guilt I carried from spending long hours at a job that didn’t fulfill me. The gentle kisses I placed on her forehead and the way our fingers intertwined soothed my weary heart. Now at nine years old, sleep remains just as elusive.
“Mom, I’m just not tired,” she complains, her lips forming a pout. “Can I read for a bit longer?”
“Of course, but not for too long, alright?” I reply.
“Mom, can you cuddle with me first?” my younger daughter, Lucy, calls from the bathroom counter.
Before I can respond, my eldest, Mia, chimes in, “It’s not fair; she always gets the first cuddle!” My frustration simmers.
“It’s okay, Mia. I’ll cuddle Lucy first and then I promise to cuddle you a little longer,” I murmur, trying to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Never mind, never mind! Lucy can have the first cuddle,” Lucy exclaims as she hops off her stool.
“MIA, you can’t just let her do that!” Mia protests.
“Alright, alright, let’s have a double cuddle in the bottom bunk, okay?” I suggest, attempting to mediate the situation. Their response is a cacophony of laughter and squeals as they dive under the covers.
As I clean up the bathroom, wiping away toothpaste globs and splashes of water near their superhero toothbrushes, I pop into my other daughter’s room. “Are you alright?” I ask Riley, who is engrossed in her book. She doesn’t look up but nods in response. “I’ll come to kiss you when I’m done with your sisters,” I assure her.
Taking a deep breath, I settle between Mia and Lucy. They wriggle around, trying to find their spots, bumping elbows and pinching knees in the process.
“Sorry, sorry, Mom!” they whisper in unison.
“It’s okay,” I reply, trying to enjoy this moment of closeness. As they snuggle against me, I feel my lip curl when Lucy inadvertently tugs at my hair. “Girls,” I warn gently. My desire for quiet time clashes with the warmth of their affection, causing tension within me. Finley, with her arm around me, touches Mia’s hand, igniting another minor dispute over space.
“Hey, that’s my spot!” Mia hisses.
“She’s not just your mom, Mia,” Lucy retorts.
“Alright, girls, let’s share some hugs and kisses, then it’s night-night time,” I say, my voice softening. I wrap my arms around Mia, whispering my love into her neck. She clings to me tightly, and I lift her up, rolling us out of bed and placing her onto the top bunk. We share a playful nose rub before I turn my attention to Lucy. She beams at me, arms open wide.
“My mama, come here!” We find ourselves nose-to-nose, and then transition to cheek-to-cheek. We exchange soft kisses, medium kisses, and finally a hard kiss, which always results in a bump of teeth against my lip. I suppress a wince as I pull away.
“Goodnight, girls.”
Their voices echo with “love yous” as I leave the room, and I feel a sense of relief wash over me.
In Riley’s room, the light is off, and her glasses sit lens-down on the nightstand. I tiptoe in, brushing hair away from her face before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Just as I turn to leave, her arms wrap around my neck.
“Mom, please don’t go.”
I feel a pang of disappointment; I was almost finished. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“I just can’t sleep,” she admits. My mind drifts to the candle flickering downstairs, the prospect of a quiet evening with a glass of wine or tea in front of the fire.
She looks at me, and suddenly, I’m reminded of the deep bond we share. “Alright, scoot over,” I whisper as I slip into bed beside her.
“Do you want me to rub your back?” she asks hopefully.
“No, honey. You know what I want?” I say with a smile. She shakes her head. “I just want to fall asleep with you for a little while.”
The moonlight bathes the room in a soft glow, and as her breathing steadies and she drifts off, a tear escapes my eye. I’m uncertain how this moment of serenity presented itself, knowing it could easily slip away by the next bedtime. But for now, on this night, my patience holds firm. I smile at Riley, allowing my tears to wash away the burdens of the day, reaffirming that I haven’t fully forgotten the beauty of bedtime.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the challenges of bedtime with children, emphasizing the emotional connections forged during these moments. The author navigates the complexities of parenting and the joy found in small, intimate routines, ultimately highlighting the importance of patience and love in family dynamics.