As the holidays approach, my children are returning home, seeking comfort in a familiar environment filled with warm meals and playful moments with our loyal dog, Max. This has led me to contemplate the idea of taking a break from my routine and rediscovering myself.
I adore my two children deeply, yet during their absence, I’ve undergone significant personal changes—changes they are blissfully unaware of. Their focus is on independence, education, and friendships, which is precisely why they are in school. To them, I’m simply Mom, steadfast and present in our home.
But what if, during this time apart, I explored the hobbies I once cherished but had neglected? What if I considered new career avenues or embraced the idea of having less responsibility? Does that make me a neglectful mother?
The dynamics of my household have shifted. I now purchase smaller containers of laundry detergent, run the dishwasher just twice a week, and prepare meals that can last several days. My breakfasts have become leisurely occasions—sometimes consisting of a large cookie and a cup of tea.
My closets have undergone a transformation. Items that had lain untouched for years—children’s school projects, old study guides, and the like—have been sorted through. I’ve disposed of outdated student directories and tossed PTA cards that are no longer relevant. Even my sock drawer is now free of lonely socks waiting for their partners. In the past, I would have simply repurposed them, but this time, I chose to let them go.
The kitchen drawer, once cluttered with an assortment of mismatched items saved for “just in case,” has been cleared out. I now question how many dishes two people truly need and what else I can part with that I once thought I could never discard. The exercise machine that had gathered dust has found a new home with a family of three boys. I’ve reclaimed that space for myself, and my long-neglected camera is once again in use, shifting from a mere documentation tool back to a medium for creative expression.
As for routines, I no longer keep track of homework deadlines or last-minute supplies needed for school projects. The lengthy to-do lists have shrunk to a more manageable size, often noted on sticky notes instead of spiral notebooks.
I still receive emails from my children’s previous schools regarding volunteer opportunities, and I’m not quite ready to sever that connection yet. It’s still fresh for me, adjusting to the reality that they are no longer living here full-time.
Last night, while watching a film about a French chef, it struck me—I had forgotten to visit France. And Canada, Wyoming, and many other places. As my children prepare to return home, I realize how much I have missed them and the unique way they call for me. However, I’ve also missed my own identity, a realization that surfaced as I cleared out closets and drawers, making space for new beginnings.
Recently, I retrieved my spiral notebook and started drafting to-do lists for our family once more.
What if, when they come back, I present myself as a different mother? The same caring mom, yet transformed in various ways? I anticipate they will have evolved into different young men. Will our connection remain strong? Will we slip back into old patterns, or will we navigate toward new dynamics? Only time will tell.
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Summary:
This article reflects on a mother’s journey of self-discovery during her children’s absence. As she embraces the opportunity to rediscover her interests and declutter her life, she contemplates her evolving identity as a mother. With the return of her children, she wonders about the changes in their relationships and the potential for new dynamics.