Playdates: a term that evokes mixed feelings for many parents. If you’re considering inviting my children over for a “playdate,” I may entertain the idea, provided you don’t anticipate a reciprocal invitation. I understand this sentiment may not align with current social norms, but allow me to elaborate.
In my childhood—and likely in yours as well—playdates were virtually non-existent. Children would simply approach their friends’ homes and request to play. There was no need for scheduling or organizing; play was spontaneous. Whether it was tag, hide and seek, or simply riding bikes, these activities flourished without parental intervention.
The modern playdate phenomenon emerges from a culture of over-parenting and excessive scheduling. Today, children are often burdened with homework that has escalated significantly compared to previous generations, along with a plethora of extracurricular activities. Consequently, playtime must now be meticulously arranged, with parents feeling the need to supervise these interactions.
I advocate for a return to the simpler times when children could drop by each other’s homes and play freely outside. Occasionally, a kind-hearted parent might even offer popsicles, but there was no expectation of elaborate snacks or organized activities. Furthermore, the idea that parents must socialize simply because their children are friends adds unnecessary pressure. While I am concerned about the safety of my children, I believe we can maintain our boundaries without the need for friendship.
To be candid, managing my seven children is already a considerable task, making it improbable that I would extend an invitation to your family. I’m not inclined to invite chaos upon myself. Even if I felt the urge to organize a playdate, my current state of disarray—where remembering to change a diaper feels like a triumph—would likely prevent it from coming to fruition.
Thus, it would be best if your children simply knock on our door and inquire if mine can come out to play. However, be forewarned: there will be no structured crafts, organic snacks, or goodie bags. They might even return home with a new bad habit or colorful language picked up from my kids.
While your children are engaged outside, I will be enjoying a moment of peace indoors, perhaps with a cocktail in hand, grateful for the brief respite from the demands of parenting.
This article was originally published on October 3, 2011.
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In summary, while playdates have evolved into a structured necessity, a return to more spontaneous, unorganized play could benefit both children and parents alike. Encouraging children to engage freely allows for creativity and social development, relieving parents of the pressures that come with orchestrated interactions.