A few months back, my son received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor. While I won’t delve into specifics regarding its location or rarity, I can share that he is currently thriving, and we remain optimistic and focused. The journey of coping with a child’s serious illness can turn your life upside down, making it challenging to communicate with family and friends. While some responses can be comforting, others can be quite misguided. To help you navigate these sensitive conversations, here are four phrases to avoid when someone has just learned of their child’s illness:
1. “I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”
This phrase places an emotional burden on the parent to reassure you. It forces them to respond with statements like, “Yes, it’s incredibly tough, but we are managing,” or “We were stunned initially, but we are finding our way.” By implying that the situation is so terrible it’s unimaginable, this comment can inadvertently heighten the parent’s distress.
2. “You Are Handling This So Well…You Are So Strong.”
While intended as a compliment, this remark can come off as dismissive. Parents in this situation are simply doing what any parent would do: everything possible to care for their child. The implication that they are strong enough to handle it might suggest that they should be crumbling under the pressure, which is not a helpful expectation. Every parent would strive to be a pillar of strength for their child in such circumstances.
3. “What Can I Do To Help?”
While the intention to offer help is appreciated, this question can be burdensome for a parent already overwhelmed by their situation. Instead of asking, consider taking the initiative. One friend surprised us with frozen meals and thoughtful gifts, while another organized a meal train to ensure my husband and two other children were supported while we were away for treatments. These gestures were invaluable, and we were grateful not to have to articulate our needs.
4. “He Will Be Fine.”
Although this statement is meant to be reassuring, it can feel dismissive. While we are hopeful and believe he will recover, it’s essential to recognize that the situation is complex and fraught with uncertainty. Such remarks can minimize the seriousness of the circumstances, which can be frustrating for the parent.
The real hero in this situation is my son. It’s important to remember that while supporting the parent, you should also check in on the child. He may be resilient and brave, but he still needs love and encouragement during this challenging time.
For more insights on navigating difficult conversations around health and wellness, check out this post on effective communication. Additionally, if you’re interested in exploring fertility options, Make A Mom provides excellent resources. For further information on managing health issues, ACOG offers valuable guidance.
Summary
When supporting a parent whose child has been diagnosed with a serious illness, it’s crucial to choose your words carefully. Avoid phrases that place emotional burdens on the parent, minimize their situation, or imply expectations. Instead, offer practical help and show genuine interest in the child’s well-being. This approach fosters a supportive environment during a challenging time.