One afternoon, about a year ago, I stepped out into my backyard, greeted by the joyful laughter of children playing nearby. “MOM! Can I go play with my neighbor friends? QUICK! Where are my shoes?” my six-year-old son Ethan exclaimed, urgency lacing his voice.
“Of course, your shoes are wherever you left them last,” I replied.
“But, MOM! I can’t find them!” he cried, panic rising in his tone. “Can you help me find my shoes?! HURRY! They are waiting for me. MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING FOR ME!”
It’s important to note that his friends were not actually waiting for him. They were happily engrossed in their own activities, unaware of his absence. However, Ethan was convinced that they were eagerly anticipating his arrival and that his presence was essential to their enjoyment. His confidence was palpable—he believed wholeheartedly that he belonged in their group and that his contribution was invaluable.
After a brief search, we found his shoes, and he dashed out the door. Watching him skip across the yard to join his friends filled my heart with joy. His every movement radiated a sense of ease and joy. As a parent, I relished his happiness and appreciated how kind and welcoming his older friends were toward him.
Yet, amid the warm feelings of maternal pride, I found myself grappling with unexpected emotions: Envy and Awe. I envied his unshakeable confidence and was in awe of his unwavering belief that he was wanted, accepted, and belonged. Reflecting on my own life, I realized that my self-assurance has often waned since childhood.
As a shy child, I felt a sense of security and belonging, but this innocence faded during adolescence, giving way to self-doubt. Questions began to swirl in my mind, fueling insecurities: Am I attractive enough? Am I smart enough? Do people like or love me enough?
Do we ever truly outgrow these feelings of insecurity? Do we stop questioning our worth and whether we fit in? Even now, I find myself donning various masks to navigate social situations, using superficial measures to gauge my value—be it social media likes, curated posts, or the latest fashion trends.
I can’t help but wonder if that confident, carefree six-year-old still exists within me, hidden beneath layers of doubt and fear. If I listen closely and quiet the external noise, I can almost hear that inner voice reassuring me, “It’s okay to come out. You are wonderful just as you are.”
Our role as parents may involve helping our children maintain that wholesome confidence for as long as possible. We must affirm their worth and create an environment where they feel they belong, which can help cushion their fears and insecurities.
As adults, we also face the challenge of rediscovering that childhood confidence while acknowledging that we all grapple with our own vulnerabilities. We need to remind ourselves that it’s normal to feel like a hesitant teenager at times.
Perhaps the key lies in shedding our masks, embracing our vulnerabilities, and guiding our children as we all move toward the confidence and joy that awaits us.
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In summary, the confidence of youth reminds us of the importance of self-assurance and belonging, both for our children and ourselves. By nurturing this confidence, we can foster a supportive environment that enables growth and acceptance in a world filled with uncertainties.