Updated: July 31, 2016
Originally Published: Feb. 23, 2005
As I find myself entering my 49th year, I’m grappling with a mixture of both trivial and significant concerns. It seems I’m perpetually drenched in sweat, and I can’t pinpoint why.
The first inkling of this discomfort washed over me during a business trip to California with my husband a few years back. Gazing out at the sunset from our hotel window, I remarked, “It feels odd. I think I’m running a fever, but I don’t feel particularly unwell. Perhaps I’m fighting off a virus.”
But it wasn’t a virus; it was something far more profound.
The Change
Menopause. A phase I had always associated with “older” women, one I mistakenly believed was far off. Yet here I am at 49, hardly feeling old and certainly unprepared for this transition.
Hot flashes hit me like relentless waves crashing on the shore, forcing me to pause whatever I’m doing, catch my breath, and resist the urge to strip off my clothing. I receive puzzled glances from my younger colleagues, while the older ones offer knowing smiles.
Who decided to call this “menopause”? It’s anything but a pause; instead, it’s an ending—an end to those monthly cycles that have defined my womanhood since I was thirteen, save for a few years of pregnancy and breastfeeding.
It signifies the conclusion of my reliance on estrogen. Years ago, I kicked the smoking habit before having children, a tough addiction to break. But nicotine pales in comparison to the hold estrogen once had on me. I could easily play the role of a recovering addict—sweating and shaking are my new companions.
This change also disrupts the regular rhythm of my metabolism. The days of knowing exactly what triggers weight gain and how to shed it quickly are long gone. No more easy fixes!
Yet, it’s not all bleak. Menopause opens the door to new beginnings, including unexpected surprises like facial hair, insomnia, and mood swings, along with other delightful experiences yet to unfold.
Some joys might just be on pause—like my fondness for scarves or anything without zippers that can be slipped on and off quickly.
While shopping for breathable, hot-flash-friendly attire at the mall, I was approached by a charming young woman hawking Dead Sea salts. As she massaged my hand and exfoliated my skin, she asked, “How old are you?” “Forty-nine,” I replied. “You look great,” she responded in her thick accent. I felt myself blush, immediately triggering another hot flash. “How will I look when I’m not drenched in sweat anymore?” I wanted to ask. “Do your magical salts help with weight loss too?” I thanked her and moved on, opting for pants in a larger size and layering fabrics that could keep me cool.
These Changes Prompt Reflection
My children once adored the song “100 Years” by Five for Fighting, with its catchy refrain about having only a hundred years to live. While most of us won’t reach that milestone, I find myself at a pivotal moment, in the midst of life’s seasons.
At 19, I met my husband, marking the tail end of my youthful “spring,” filled with education and exploration. By 29, during the vibrant “summer” of my life, I welcomed my first child into the world. Fast forward to 39, I found myself re-entering the workforce amidst the busy days of child-rearing and career-building.
Now, at 49, I’ve crossed into the autumn of my life. The regular cycles have ceased, and with two of my three children off to college and the youngest soon to follow, the chapter of motherhood feels complete. While there’s a tinge of sadness in that realization, it’s a transition I anticipated.
I can’t help but think of my own mother-in-law. She was 49 when I first met her, and in the years that followed, she pursued an advanced degree, made new friends, traveled extensively, and welcomed three grandchildren into her life. We just celebrated her 79th birthday, and she remains optimistic about the “winter” of her years.
As I stand on the precipice of autumn, a season I’ve always cherished for its golden hues and bountiful harvests, I feel a sense of curiosity about the years ahead—59 and 69. “There’s never a wish better than this when you only got a hundred years to live.” Except for these hot flashes, which I’ll just label as an unexpected Indian summer.
For more insights on navigating life’s changes, check out this engaging post on Modern Family Blog. If you’re considering family planning options, Make A Mom offers reliable at-home insemination kits. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, visit the Genetics and IVF Institute.
In summary, life is a journey through various seasons, each with its unique challenges and gifts. Embracing these transitions can lead to personal growth and new adventures, even in the face of discomfort.
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