Isn’t it time we put that pesky little spider to rest? Seriously, how often does he need to scale the water spout, and do we really need a song every single time? Patty cake is adorable, I’ll give it that. But “mark it with a B”? How about we mark it with an M for mommy, and I’ll devour it at the sink once the kids are finally asleep?
Moms, we deserve nursery rhymes that resonate with our reality. They should be catchy yet relatable—unlike the perplexing “Hey Diddle Diddle” (who’s that little dog laughing, anyway?). When you’re feeling as fragile as Humpty Dumpty, you might as well have a laugh at your own expense…
ONE TWO
One, two. Slip on your #%*@ shoes.
Three, four. They’re right at the door.
Five, six. What did you just lick?
Seven, eight. No snacks! You just ate!
Nine, ten. Ugh, late again.
HICKORY DICKORY
Hickory dickory dock,
Can you please stop touching your %^&*?
You went number one but now you’re all done.
Hickory dickory %^&*.
LITTLE BO PEEP
Little Bo Peep can’t find her sleep,
And the tears just keep on flying.
Leave her be, she’ll drift off free,
They call it Ferberizing.
HERE IS THE CHURCH
This is the church; this is the steeple.
Duck down in your seat; we know all those people.
HUSH LITTLE BABY
Hush, little baby, don’t you fret,
I’ll let you play some Angry Birds, you bet.
And if that pesky pig still won’t die,
Just hand it over to your brother; let him give it a try.
This article originally appeared on July 1, 2011. If you’re looking for more engaging content, check out our other blog posts at Intracervical Insemination. Additionally, for insights on fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. For more information on pregnancy, visit CDC Pregnancy for reliable guidance.
In summary, it’s time to craft nursery rhymes that reflect the chaotic yet humorous side of motherhood. These playful adaptations can bring a smile to your face while navigating the ups and downs of parenting.