When I discovered I was expecting, I anticipated an exciting journey ahead. Not only was I preparing to become a parent for the first time, but I was also going to have a child who would be of mixed race. Despite our society’s claims of progressiveness, the sight of a mixed-race child still seems to bewilder many people.
The proportion of individuals identifying as mixed race has been steadily increasing since the 1970s. While I was aware that I might have a child who was half-white, I was unprepared for the odd and often inappropriate remarks that accompanied it. People often seem to abandon common decency when children are involved. Some comments are surprising, while others are almost amusing.
For context, my child has a fair complexion—so much so that if you didn’t see us together, you might not guess his heritage. He has darkened slightly over time, but his features predominantly reflect his white ancestry. I’m comfortable with his appearance, as it has led to some interesting interactions. For instance, when my white friend and I took him out as a newborn, strangers consistently directed their questions to her, failing to recognize me as his mother. Another time, at a fast-food restaurant, a cashier looked into his carrier and exclaimed, “Is he yours?” When I confirmed, she responded, “But he’s so white!” I simply smiled and said, “He looks like his dad.”
This has become my standard reply to the many inquiries and comments that often cross the line. Frequently, I hear variations of “Are you really his mom?” Sometimes, I joke that I’m his babysitter just to keep things light. Knowing I’m not alone in these experiences, I reached out to other parents of mixed-race children. Here’s what a few of them shared:
- Lisa, mother of two teens: “I always thought they looked kind of exotic.”
- Mia, with two boys aged 5 and 3: “Where did they get that blond hair?”—even though both she and her husband have dark features.
- Rachel, mother of a 4-year-old daughter: “Mixed kids are always so beautiful.”
- Tanya, with children aged 20, 17, 15, and 2 years, often hears family comments like “They are so pale!” from her side, while her in-laws say, “I wish I could have that tan all year round.”
- Sarah, with kids aged 4 and 8 months, receives comments implying that mixed race children signify a bright future for society. While she understands the sentiment, it’s not always appreciated.
- Kim, mother of a 3-year-old: “Did he just call you Mom?!” Yes, that has happened!
- Nora, with children aged 2 and 10 months, has been asked who her kids prefer: black or white family members.
- Angela, mother of twins aged 3, often hears, “They have such good hair!”
- Claire, with a 6-year-old son, is frequently told, “So nice of you to adopt a child!”
- Beth, mother of a 5-year-old: “He’s not too dark…”
We recognize that our families may not fit conventional molds, but there are more respectful ways to inquire about our experiences. Curiosity is natural; however, I would never comment on a child’s appearance in such a manner. Our kids aren’t inherently exotic or more beautiful due to their multiracial backgrounds—they’re simply children, and we are just parents.
If you’re interested in more information about home insemination, check out our related post on intracervical insemination. For authoritative resources on the topic, visit Make a Mom and ASRM.
In summary, mixed-race parents often encounter a range of comments that can be surprising or even offensive. While curiosity is understandable, it’s crucial to approach this topic with sensitivity and respect. Our families may look different, but they are as normal and loving as any other.