As a parent, it’s a well-known truth that children can disrupt almost every aspect of your life, including the few precious things you manage to hold dear. They have a unique talent for taking your free time, your quiet moments, and even your sleep, and turning them into chaos. However, there’s a silver lining: they give you a legitimate excuse for it all. With that in mind, let’s explore ten things I frequently attribute to my child—because as a parent, it’s my prerogative.
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Slippery Floors.
My partner: “What happened in the bathroom?”
Me: “Ugh, you know how she is with hand washing!”
The reality: I was too busy applying a plethora of skincare products without my glasses, leaving the sink and floor resembling a mini pond. -
Lack of Decent Snacks.
My partner, excitedly: “Is there any of that (yummy snack) left?”
Me, with crumbs on my lips: “Oops, I gave Lily the last one before bed.”
The truth: I’m tossing an empty container into the trash, hoping no one notices. -
Unpleasant Odors.
Everyone: “Yikes!”
Me: “LILY!”
The truth: I just devoured a mountain of broccoli at lunch, completely oblivious to the aftermath. -
Missing Events.
Me, via text: “I’d love to join, but Lily is feeling under the weather.”
The truth: I’m actually binge-watching my favorite series, phone off, kid ignored. -
Endless Fatigue.
Me to a coworker, stifling a yawn: “She kept me up all night with nightmares.”
The reality: I was scrolling through social media at 3 AM, wide awake, with bloodshot eyes. -
Dusty Floors.
Me to friends: “The vacuum makes her anxious; I’m just being a supportive mom.”
The truth: I dread the vacuuming process, preferring a hasty sweep before guests arrive instead. -
Unshapely Stomach.
Me to childless friends: “Having a kid ruins your body.”
The truth: My stomach has never been toned, not even with the most extreme fitness attempts. -
Messy Car.
Me, smiling sheepishly: “Kids are messy, what can you do?”
The reality: I’m the one who finished an array of snacks and carelessly tossed the wrappers into the backseat. -
Incomplete Writing.
I thought I’d take a break to spend some precious moments with my little one, who will only be this age once.
The truth: I seized the opportunity for a nap instead, which I felt was a justifiable choice. -
Lost Time.
I often blame my child for the hours I wish I could reclaim.
The truth: I’ve spent a significant amount of time scrolling through the internet instead of being productive.
In summary, it’s clear that parenting comes with its unique set of challenges, and sometimes it’s easier to place the blame elsewhere. If you’re looking for more insights on home insemination and related topics, check out resources like the CDC for pregnancy information and consider the information provided by Intracervical Insemination and Make a Mom for further guidance.