My partner and I are the proud parents of four children, including a trio of energetic triplets. This means our household consists of one older child who is six years old and three lively toddlers who are just three. As you can imagine, our lives are as hectic as they sound. Fortunately, my partner and I work well as a team. When you’re given the unique challenge of raising triplets—bringing your child count from one to four with all of them under the age of two—cooperation is essential for survival.
Unfortunately, not all families with multiples share this harmony, as the divorce rate among such parents is reported to be between 75% and 80%. My partner, Mark, and I strive to divide parenting responsibilities as evenly as possible. Because I only work two days a week, I find myself spending more time with the children. This often means I am the one meeting their daily needs.
I regularly take the kids grocery shopping, prepare all their meals, and ensure they are fed and dressed appropriately for school. I am responsible for their health, hygiene, and maintaining a clean home. I even find myself waking up to their cries in the night. While Mark assists whenever he can, the majority of the parenting tasks often fall to me.
However, there is one weekend each month when I have to work as a registered nurse. I am usually on duty for 12-hour shifts from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. During these weekends, Mark has the full responsibility of managing the kids alone.
On my most recent working weekend, Mark decided to take the children to church. We had just resumed attending services, and the kids had recently overcome their anxiety about being left in Sunday school. I supported his plan and laid out their Sunday outfits and styled our daughter Emma’s hair to make things easier for him.
To be honest, I was skeptical about his ability to manage everything on his own. Typically, on Sundays, I handle their meals, dressing, snack packing, and even getting myself ready—all while Mark takes his time showering.
Later in the day, I called Mark only to learn that he had successfully taken the kids to church, visited his grandmother in the nursing home, and even treated the family to lunch. I hung up feeling somewhat disheartened.
A colleague noticed my mood and inquired about it. “Oh, nothing. I’m just feeling a bit off,” I replied. “Why?” she pressed. “Mark took the kids to church and his grandmother’s without any issues.”
My colleague looked puzzled, prompting me to elaborate, “He managed to take them out by himself, and everything went flawlessly. The kids behaved perfectly—no tantrums, no accidents, no squabbles, nothing. His outing went smoothly.”
She regarded me sympathetically. “What’s bothering you?” she asked. “Well, now he will give me that look when I recount the chaotic trip I had with the kids. You know, the look that says, ‘I don’t understand why you find it so difficult—taking the kids out isn’t hard.’ I absolutely despise that look.”
“Were you hoping for something different to happen?” she queried. “I just wanted a little chaos, like a phone call asking for advice or a diaper mishap. You know, the typical stuff that happens to me,” I confessed.
“You wanted him to fail?” she asked incredulously. “Not exactly, that would be cruel,” I admitted. “But I just don’t want to hear from the other moms at church next week about how great he is. I don’t want them to label him as a ‘super dad’ deserving of a gold star. He did something I do almost daily; it really isn’t a big deal.”
“So, in essence,” she said, “you want a gold star too?” I nodded, “Yes! Where’s my mother effing gold star?”
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In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting, especially with multiples, can often feel overwhelming and isolating. Yet, it’s critical to recognize the shared responsibilities and appreciate each other’s efforts, even when the balance of recognition feels uneven.