“She cried when they welcomed daughters into the world, for she understood that being born female meant navigating a life filled with challenges.” – Adapted from Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
I often find myself dismissing this sentiment as outdated. There’s nothing inherently humble about being a woman; rather, women possess fierce strength and resilience, capable of achieving what men can. My upbringing reinforced this belief, and my partner shares it. The notion that being a woman is a burden seems misplaced in today’s society. Perhaps it was true in the past, especially in early 20th-century Brooklyn, but not in my experience. Today, there’s no reason to dread bringing daughters into the world.
And yet…
When the ultrasound technician announced “it’s a girl,” my initial excitement was tinged with a subtle, unexpected anxiety. I thought, “Oh.” This simple word carried the weight of my awareness that despite the progress we’ve made in feminism and gender equality, my daughter would still face challenges solely because of her gender. The thought of raising not one but two daughters brings a heavy sense of responsibility.
The stark reality is that we live in a society where misogyny persists. There are men who view women as possessions, and this mindset exists even in progressive areas. My daughters will be bombarded with messages about their appearance and bodies, which can lead to self-doubt or worse. While our city is more progressive than many, sexism still rears its head regularly.
A close friend once shared a poignant quote: “From the moment your child is born, a part of your heart forever lives outside your body.” Now, with another daughter on the way, I can’t help but feel that if my partner and I do our jobs well, our girls might create a support system for one another, helping to shield themselves from negative societal messages. If they grow up surrounded by love and strength, maybe they’ll approach adulthood with less worry than I feel.
Yet…
As I stroll through the toy aisles at stores, I’m baffled by the gender segregation in toys—pink for girls, blue for boys. During my first pregnancy, I hesitated to reveal the gender due to my concerns about the influx of stereotypical pink clothing and dolls. When strangers compliment my daughter’s beauty, I can’t help but add, “and smart and strong.” She is undeniably beautiful, a fact that sometimes takes my breath away. I desperately want her to recognize her beauty while also knowing that it doesn’t define her worth. I fear she might grow up believing her value hinges solely on her appearance.
So, we prepare for two daughters. Together with our families and friends, we will strive to create a safety net for them, instilling the belief that there are no limits to what they can achieve with hard work. We’ll share stories of remarkable women, encourage their interests, and support them in every endeavor, whether they choose to play with dolls or climb trees. We will teach them that the only princesses we envision are warrior princesses, and we will affirm their beauty, intelligence, and strength daily. Our aim is to nurture their self-belief so they can recognize and challenge the pervasive misogyny in our culture.
And yet…
With my heart now divided, I find myself increasingly anxious about the world my daughters will navigate. I worry for their futures and the women they will become, feeling the weight of responsibility as a parent to shield them from harm.
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Summary
The article reflects on the complexities of raising daughters in a society that still grapples with gender inequality. Despite progress, the author expresses concerns about the pressures girls face regarding their identities and appearances. Through love, support, and education, the goal is to empower daughters to navigate challenges and embrace their strength.