“Oh my, you’re expecting?!”
I braced myself for yet another round of curious inquiries. I had come to this gathering seeking a brief respite from my routine—an opportunity to enjoy a warm meal while my energetic toddler bounced in a play area. With my husband deployed just two weeks prior, I thought attending the Deployed Spouses Dinner would provide a much-needed break. The demands of my full-time job and the lengthy commute to pick up my lively two-year-old from daycare were wearing me thin. Dinner at home had become a race against time, often resulting in frozen or pre-packaged meals. Can’t a woman enjoy a hot meal in peace?
“Yes, I’m pregnant—four months along, to be precise,” I replied to the acquaintance.
“Oh really? I’m twenty weeks along! Do you know the gender yet?”
“It’s a boy; we just found out last Saturday.”
During our brief conversation, she learned that our husbands had deployed on the same day, so he obviously missed the ultrasound appointment.
“Wow, your husband just missed the gender reveal?”
“It’s alright,” I reassured her. “He was able to join via Skype for part of the appointment, so he was part of the big moment.”
“What’s your due date?” she asked next.
“April 6. It’s also my birthday, so I might share it with the baby,” I said, smiling slightly.
“Oh no! Your husband will miss the birth!”
“Well, it’s not his child, so it’s fine…”
Her expression shifted from shock to surprise, and I could see her searching for the right words. After a brief pause, I added, “But it’s okay—he knows it’s not his child!”
At that point, her face displayed a mix of disbelief and discomfort. I felt a twinge of disappointment as I prepared to explain my situation. “I’m a surrogate,” I clarified. “My cousin lost her ability to carry children after a tragic incident during her first pregnancy. The only way for her and her husband to have biological children was through surrogacy. That’s where I come in.”
My husband had no qualms about me carrying a child that biologically belonged to another couple. He was in the next room during the procedure and fully understood that he would miss the birth. Did that alter anything for us? Not in the slightest. However, it did provide an interesting way to meet new people.
When pregnant, everyone is eager for details: your due date, the baby’s gender, and all the intimate details. When they discover that your husband is deployed, they often express a particular sympathy for your situation, assuming you’re going through it alone. What they don’t expect to hear is, “The baby isn’t his… and that’s okay.”
But that’s not entirely accurate. Being a surrogate has been profoundly rewarding and life-altering.
For those interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and surrogacy. Additionally, if you’re considering self insemination, I recommend visiting Make A Mom for their comprehensive at-home insemination kit. For further insights into similar topics, you can explore more on Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, the journey of surrogacy is filled with unexpected challenges and beautiful moments. It’s a path that not only changes the lives of those involved but also creates connections that last a lifetime.