I am not expecting a child. The three pregnancy tests, now discarded in my bathroom trash, validated that fact. Given that I have an IUD securely in place, this outcome shouldn’t be surprising.
However, upon waking yesterday, I felt quite unwell. My stomach was unsettled and crampy, accompanied by heartburn that seemed to radiate from my chest. Additionally, I have been feeling unusually fatigued for weeks.
“You might be pregnant,” suggested my partner, Matt.
“No way,” I replied. “That’s impossible. I probably just overindulged in Fiber One bars. Besides, we cannot have a baby right now.”
As the day progressed, my certainty began to waver.
I found myself tearing up during the end of a movie. I sipped lemon tea and nibbled on toast. Thoughts started swirling about how to explain to the kids that we couldn’t keep the puppy, but they would soon have a new sibling instead. In my mind, I drafted potential blog posts announcing the news. I instinctively protected my belly as my son, Oliver, playfully jumped on me. While cuddling with him on the couch, I briefly entertained the idea that having another child might not be so terrible.
Yet, when Matt returned home with an additional set of tests, each one confirmed my initial conclusion with a single straight line.
This is a relief. Had the results been positive, I would have been overwhelmed with anxiety. Financially, we are not in a position to welcome a new baby, and it would have complicated our lives tremendously.
Still, I can’t shake off the feeling of disappointment.
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In summary, while the tests confirmed that I am not pregnant, the emotional journey I experienced throughout the day left me feeling conflicted. It’s a unique situation that many can relate to, balancing the desire for growth in a family with the practical realities of current circumstances.