Long before the term “helicopter parent” entered our lexicon, the archetype of the Jewish mother existed. These mothers are characterized by their unwavering support, extensive knowledge, and their readiness to provide a comforting hug or a steaming bowl of chicken soup to heal any ailment or boost morale. Of course, instead of focusing solely on your achievements, they often prioritize your nourishment. “Are you eating enough?” they ask, often while offering you a plate piled high with food.
The art of food persuasion is one of the many lessons ingrained in every Jewish girl by her mother. Regardless of what size jeans she may wear, the mantra of “more is always better” prevails during meal planning and holiday gatherings. No matter how full you might feel, a Jewish mother will ensure you leave with a large bag filled with leftovers—beet salad, brisket, kasha varnishkes, and matzo balls to last for weeks. “You’ll thank me later,” she insists.
The encouragement to seek out a “nice Jewish boy” is another lesson passed down. Even if we diverge from this path, forgiveness is granted, with the understanding that the essence of Judaism is inherited through the mother. “As long as you raise the grandchildren Jewish,” she says. And yes, there should be many Jewish grandchildren.
Daughters of Jewish mothers are truly a unique group. Some lessons are delivered directly, while others are more nuanced. For instance, the weekly Shabbat dinner serves as a time for family connection, often prioritizing togetherness over strict religious observance. When evaluating a potential partner, the Shabbat dinner becomes a test: if he can comfortably join the family table, he’s a keeper; if he causes embarrassment, it’s likely time to move on.
In selecting a life partner, many Jewish daughters understand that intelligence and quirkiness hold more value than wealth and physical attractiveness. Smart partners can eventually achieve financial success, and those who embrace their dorkiness often treat us like the queens we are. However, a bit of financial stability is a bonus.
Certain lessons, while universal, carry a distinctly Jewish flavor. Imagine if Emily Post converted and took on a new identity as Emily “Shayna Punim” Postensteinowitzky-berger, perpetuating her etiquette rules. It’s essential never to arrive empty-handed when visiting someone’s home, for instance.
In uncertain situations, we learned to offer food as a solution. When someone faces hardship, we send a platter of bagels rather than flowers. And let’s not forget the healing properties of chicken soup, an essential food group, especially for our own children when introducing solid foods.
From our mothers, we also learned the complex interplay of guilt and superstition. Every potential misfortune seems to be a possibility, and guilt becomes a lifestyle—guilt for what we consume or don’t consume, guilt for visiting or not visiting, and so forth. Nevertheless, our mothers accept our choices, provided they align with their own preferences. “I’m fine, don’t change plans for me,” she might say, which really means “I’m uncomfortable; please rearrange everything for me.” We’ve also learned to tell our children to wear a sweater if we feel cold.
Nothing is ever quite good enough, whether it’s the initial table at a restaurant or the first hotel room assigned to us. When choosing a loaf of bread, we bypass the front loaf for one further back, ensuring fewer hands have touched it. Even if we see a bakery clerk serving a half-loaf to the person ahead of us, we still request a “fresh one.”
Every Jewish girl is taught to nurture, to spread love and compassion, often accompanied by a touch of worry and anxiety. The wisdom we’ve received from our mothers continues to guide us, even the lessons we initially vowed to reject. As a consequence of, and sometimes in spite of, our Jewish mothers, we often find ourselves emulating their behaviors.
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In summary, the lessons imparted by Jewish mothers blend tradition, love, and a healthy dose of humor, leaving a lasting impact on their daughters. These lessons shape not only personal values and choices but also the nurturing spirit that continues to thrive in future generations.