Everyone has that one friend for whom they constantly find themselves making excuses. “He’s usually quite friendly,” or “You just need to give him a chance,” or “His humor can be a bit quirky.” However, as time goes on, it becomes clear that these justifications might be a sign that it’s time for that person to own up to their actions.
Lately, I’ve been feeling this way about my son. I won’t sugarcoat it: sometimes he can be incredibly difficult to be around. Though he generally has a cheerful disposition, the last few months have presented unique challenges.
Initially, when we would visit friends and he started acting out, I would feel embarrassed and hastily provide explanations for his behavior: “He missed his nap,” “He’s teething,” “He’s a bit hungry,” “The bright lights bother him,” or “Feeding him late was a mistake.” However, I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to stop making excuses. While it’s true that you can’t entirely blame a 2-year-old for their antics, there comes a time when you must stop defending them. After months of navigating the roller coaster of my son’s “terrible twos,” I’ve decided it’s time to let him take responsibility for his actions. Sorry, buddy, but sometimes the issue is you.
Recently, I was at a bar with friends when my partner, Lisa, arrived with our son, Charlie. He had yet to meet some of the people at the table, but he usually warms up quickly. Unfortunately, he has taken this “terrible” phase to heart. After a few minutes of clinging to Lisa, he began screaming whenever anyone looked his way. As a parent who has weathered many of these outbursts, I’ve stopped trying to protect him. Instead of offering flimsy excuses for his behavior, I candidly stated, “Don’t mind him; screaming is his default mode. He’s just being a little difficult.”
I’m finished shielding him from the consequences of his actions. As he approaches three years old, it’s time for him to begin recognizing the impact of his behavior. Not every action he takes stems from something his parents have done—he’s an individual capable of making his own choices. Right now, he’s opting to be a handful, and it’s time for him to face the music. “Sure, I’m his dad, but he’s responsible for his own actions. He’s the one who threw the menu, so if anyone has an issue, it’s on him, not me.”
This shift in perspective has been liberating. Of course, there’s a clear distinction between ceasing to make excuses for my son’s behavior and allowing that behavior to go unchecked, and I certainly don’t advocate for the latter. We continue to discipline him and acknowledge our role in shaping who he becomes, but the “terrible twos” are a universal phase that all parents endure. We simply need to endure it while holding him accountable. If this continues, he may find himself unwelcome at every gathering.
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Summary
This article explores the challenges of parenting a toddler while coming to terms with their behavior. It emphasizes the importance of allowing children to take responsibility for their actions and discusses the universal experience of navigating the “terrible twos.”