Beep, beep, beep. My son, Max, tumbled out of bed, still groggy as he made his way toward the source of the sound, nearly tripping over his dinosaur pajamas. “Breakfast!” he exclaimed with sleepy enthusiasm, rubbing his eyes and looking up at the microwave, his tousled brown curls framing his face. He sat quietly at the table, enjoying his instant oatmeal while I cradled his baby sister, Ava, on my hip and jotted down tasks for the day.
In the midst of this morning routine, my husband, Jake, was in a frenzy, searching for his elusive briefcase, which seemed to vanish every morning. Kisses were exchanged, keys were found, and off he went to a world of meetings and adult conversations while Max and I waved goodbye, clad in our pajamas.
A close-up shot would have painted a picture of 1950s domestic bliss (minus the microwave meal, of course). However, a wider angle would reveal the reality of my life. Just out of view were the dirty dishes piling up in the sink and a mountain of laundry waiting to be tackled.
Leaving my career behind to assume the role of a stay-at-home parent wasn’t part of my original plan. Life took an unexpected turn, and while I cherished my role as a mother, I often found myself yearning to return to work. My greatest fear was that my choice would set a poor example for my children. How could my daughters learn to value career and ambition when their primary role model was home folding laundry? And how would my son gain respect for gender equality if he saw me merely as a caretaker?
After finishing his oatmeal, Max tossed aside his pajamas for a favorite T-shirt and shorts. We hopped in the car, where I turned on our favorite kids’ music CD, and off we went to the play gym.
As I drove, I glanced at the other cars and wondered if the mothers inside were engaged in more meaningful pursuits than I was. What if the woman in the blue sedan owned a successful business? Perhaps the blonde in the SUV was heading to a crucial client meeting. My mind was plagued with endless “what-ifs.”
Max burst through the play gym doors with the uncontainable excitement of a three-year-old. “Where’s Connor?” he asked. “He’s not here today; his mommy is at work,” I replied. His confused expression hit me like a punch in the gut. “Huh?” he said, “Mommies don’t work. Daddies go to work, and mommies stay home and cook breakfast.”
In that moment, the joy I felt in my role as a mother evaporated, replaced by a deep sense of inadequacy. I worried I was instilling outdated beliefs in my child. I felt an overwhelming responsibility to show them that women could be more than homemakers, and yet I feared I was failing.
For the next few years, I worked hard to demonstrate my worth. I took on freelance projects and explained their significance to my kids, trying to show that I worked just like Daddy. Yet, their indifference left me questioning myself. Was I confusing them? Telling them that women should have careers while baking cookies felt hypocritical. My actions seemed at odds with my words, creating a disconnect in their understanding.
Fast forward several years, and my little ones have grown into a teenager, a tween, and a budding tween. While they often ignore my advice, I’ve noticed subtle signs that some of my lessons have stuck.
When Career Day approached, I expected my daughter, Emily, to want to dress as a princess, as she had in the past. To my delight, she asked, “Can you get me some doctor’s scrubs? I want to dress as a surgeon.”
The most reassuring moment came from Max, now a teenager. During one of my impassioned talks about female empowerment, he interrupted with a hint of teenage annoyance and said, “I get it, I get it. You could work anywhere you want to, Mom. We know.”
That simple acknowledgment was all I needed to breathe a sigh of relief. I realized that my domestic example had not distorted their views on gender roles. Perhaps my efforts were not in vain, or maybe I just needed the reassurance that my contributions were valued. I don’t think my kids ever doubted my worth.
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Summary:
As a stay-at-home parent, I grappled with feelings of inadequacy and the fear that my children would view outdated gender roles through my actions. However, over time, I discovered that my efforts to demonstrate the importance of women in the workforce made an impact. My children learned to appreciate the value of ambition and equality, ultimately reassuring me of my worth in their eyes.