Last summer, I proposed to my partner the questionable idea of cramming our five kids into the car for a journey to the farthest tip of Cape Cod—a mere two-hour drive—only to turn around and return home afterward. What I was essentially suggesting was a four-hour marathon from which I would likely emerge frazzled. Four hours is a long time to be confined in a vehicle with children, especially considering that even a 30-minute drive can send my sanity spiraling. Here are just a few reasons why this undertaking can be quite torturous:
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The Struggle to Get in the Car
Why is it so hard to get them into the car? I’ve been urging them all day to step outside and play, yet as we rush out the door, they’re suddenly frolicking around the yard as if they’ve stumbled upon Narnia. What kind of enchantment is this “outdoors,” and why is it so appealing now? -
Seatbelt Shenanigans
Some of my kids seem genuinely surprised when I remind them about seatbelts. It’s as if I’ve just unveiled a groundbreaking invention. “Is your seatbelt on?” I ask, only to be met with looks of disbelief. Come on, it’s a seatbelt—our ally in the event of an accident while I’m distracted, probably shouting at them. -
Radio Ruckus
Don’t even get me started on the chaos that ensues with the radio. I hear a Taylor Swift song I enjoy, turn it up, and start singing, only to have the kids argue over who gets to sing which part. “Mom, turn it down!” they demand, and by the time they’ve sorted it out, the song is over. Newsflash: I can’t rewind the radio! -
The Infamous “Are We There Yet?”
This one needs no elaboration. We haven’t even left our neighborhood, and someone inevitably asks, “Are we there yet?” And the questions come in rapid succession until I threaten them with some vague yet ominous consequences. They’ll laugh and keep asking anyway. -
Backseat Drivers
Despite their tender age, my children have developed an uncanny knack for backseat driving. “You’re going the wrong way!” “Why are you going so slow?” “Are we on a highway?” The endless stream of questions can be overwhelming. It’s as if they believe they’re the ones behind the wheel. -
Distractions During Drive-Thru Orders
Ordering at a drive-thru is not the moment to remind me repeatedly that you don’t want pickles on your cheeseburger! All I can hear is your shouting in the background, which will likely result in an unintended pickle overload. And please, don’t holler about wanting a Big Mac when I’m at Dunkin’ Donuts! -
The Reluctance to Exit the Vehicle
Once we finally arrive at our destination, you’d think they’d leap from the car in a frenzy. Instead, they remain relaxed in their seats, seemingly unaware of the long car ride they complained about just moments ago. It’s baffling.
That’s all for now. I can’t even begin to tackle the mess, the squabbles, the child who claims to feel nauseous, or the varying restroom needs. Until someone invents a minivan with a soundproof barrier, all family road trips are on indefinite hold.
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Summary:
Navigating family road trips can often feel like an exhausting challenge, due to the complexities of getting everyone in the car, ensuring seatbelts are fastened, managing radio disputes, and enduring the never-ending “Are we there yet?” questions. The chaos can culminate in backseat driving, distractions during drive-thru orders, and a surprising reluctance to exit the vehicle upon arrival. Until a miracle occurs in the form of a soundproof vehicle, family road trips may need to be put on hold.