As the festive season wraps up and we settle into the new year, many parents find themselves reflecting on the gifts exchanged during celebrations. Rather than focusing on what gifts to give or their monetary value, let’s consider a new paradigm: the timing and context of gift acceptance. This concept can be termed Parental Gift Etiquette.
Regardless of the occasion—be it a birthday, graduation, or other milestones—children often have a list of must-have items they’ve seen advertised. As soon as they voice their desires to their parents, it’s common for parents to use these wishes as leverage. For instance, I might say, “If you continue to act this way, that new tablet you want will be off the table.” Yet, we all recognize that these coveted gifts are usually received, unless one is particularly strict in their parenting style.
Now, consider this: shortly after the gift is unveiled, the focus often shifts to enforcing behavior expectations. For example, I might say, “You were warned, so return that tablet.” This cycle of conditional gifting and subsequent threats appears unnecessarily complex.
To streamline this process, I propose a new strategy. Imagine sitting down with your children to select their desired gifts, while also acknowledging that misbehavior can occur. We could then agree not to provide the gifts at all. This approach could be seen as a form of preemptive discipline, saving parents both time and frustration, as well as eliminating tantrums over gift retrieval. Instead of regifting, let’s refer to this as PRE-gifting.
When the time comes for holidays or birthdays, we could simply revisit our pre-gifting agreement, acknowledging that no gifts will be given due to behavioral expectations.
“I reminded you not to speak to me that way. Let’s consult the pre-gifting agreement,” I might say.
The agreement would state: “We the undersigned children agree that maintaining good behavior is a challenge, and therefore, we accept that we will not receive the gifts we so desire. We acknowledge that any outbursts are futile since we never actually received the gifts.”
Isn’t that straightforward?
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Summary
In conclusion, rethinking gift-giving etiquette can simplify interactions between parents and children. By establishing a pre-gifting agreement, parents can mitigate the stress typically associated with behavior management and gift retrieval. This proactive approach not only clarifies expectations but also fosters open communication regarding behavior and rewards.