As a parent, there are few conversations more daunting than when a teacher approaches you with a concerned expression, saying, “Can we talk for a moment… in private?” This scenario became a reality for me when I was informed that my youngest child, Lucy, had been involved in a biting incident at preschool. While other parents and their toddlers mingled cheerfully nearby, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me as I stood outside the classroom, pressed against a gardening cart.
“The incident involved biting,” the teacher explained, her sympathetic gaze confirming my fears. I was taken aback, grappling with a mix of embarrassment and disbelief. My daughter was usually kind and polite, often saying “please” and “thank you,” and was even known for her healthy eating habits. Yet, in this moment, she was simply labeled as “The Biter,” and I was cast in the role of “The Biter’s Mom.”
Experiencing this uncomfortable situation felt like a profound failure in my parenting journey. It’s easy to internalize our children’s actions as reflections of our own parenting abilities. A single misstep from our kid—be it a forgotten word of gratitude or, in this case, an act of aggression—can lead to overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. My daughters have all had their moments of misbehavior, but biting is often perceived as particularly egregious.
Rationally, I understand that biting is a typical behavior for toddlers, especially those under three years old. Children at this age are navigating a complex world of emotions, language acquisition, and social interaction. Frustration can sometimes lead to physical expressions of their feelings, such as biting. According to the American Psychological Association, this behavior is developmentally normal, yet it doesn’t lessen the discomfort I felt as I contemplated how other parents would perceive my child.
Even with this knowledge, the social expectations surrounding parenting can create immense pressure. We strive for our children to embody civility, but in reality, preschoolers often resemble unruly creatures rather than polished societal members. As I gathered my thoughts, I managed to apologize to the teacher and explain that we encourage Lucy to express herself verbally. I was desperate for her to understand that my daughter’s actions didn’t stem from malice but rather from frustration.
When I learned that Lucy had bitten another child after being accidentally shoved, I felt a mixture of relief and continued shame. There was a reason for her behavior, but it didn’t excuse it. Returning to the classroom, I found Lucy happily building with blocks. When she exclaimed, “Mama! I was sad today,” my heart softened. I wanted to reassure her without transferring my own feelings of guilt onto her.
Parenting is a journey of growth for both children and parents. It’s essential to guide our kids with compassion through their emotional challenges. For my part, I recognized that I would need to reach out to the other child’s parent to apologize, hoping they could understand that such incidents are part of the learning process for young children. A little empathy from fellow parents can help us all feel a bit more at ease.
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In summary, the experience of dealing with a biting incident can evoke intense feelings of shame and inadequacy in parents. Understanding that such behavior is part of normal development can help alleviate some of that pressure. It is vital to approach these situations with empathy and an open mind, both for our children and for ourselves.