Recently, I engaged in a conversation with a few friends who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We discussed the emotional challenges of an empty nest, the stress of selecting a major, and the financial burdens associated with higher education. As a parent with several years left before my oldest heads to college, these discussions have been enlightening.
One friend mentioned that her child would be starting college as an undecided major, and I must admit, this took me by surprise. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, I can hardly imagine telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out once I’m settled in my dorm.” My aspirations to become a nurse made my decision easier, and I was conscious that my parents were also preparing for my siblings’ college expenses. I was determined to complete my degree efficiently, understanding the financial implications for my family.
As I consider the emotional toll of dropping my son off at the dorm for the first time, I’m also acutely aware of the financial commitment involved in his education. With our daughter following a few years later, it’s evident that we are choosing between significant investments: either purchasing a Tesla every year for eight years or funding two college degrees. While I might prefer the Teslas, my role as a responsible parent compels me to prioritize my children’s education.
My husband and I began saving for college almost as soon as our children were born. We made a commitment to support their higher education, following the example set by our families who helped us. Alongside our regular savings, we have invested any monetary gifts received since their birth. Thanks to our diligent financial planning, their college funds are growing steadily.
However, while we are willing to cover the costs of their college education, there is a crucial stipulation: they must have a clear plan for their future before we invest our resources. I refuse to finance a four-year journey of self-discovery filled with parties and vacations. My husband and I have worked too hard to save this money, and I won’t allow a hesitant teenager to waste it while figuring out their path.
When I share these thoughts with friends, they often laugh and suggest I sound like the overly invested father from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In this movie, the father has meticulously laid out his son’s future in business college, much to the son’s dismay. The father pushes college as he never had the chance himself, only to see his son spend the college fund on a date instead. The son gets the girl, while the father questions his choices.
But I’m not that father. I will not impose a specific career on my children, nor will I live through them vicariously. While I can afford to support their education, I won’t allow them to squander this opportunity. I’m ready to assist them in achieving their goals, but they need to have a defined vision for their future.
Many young people today are given the freedom to “find themselves” without being held accountable. This leniency has contributed to a generation that often feels entitled. My children are not entitled to my financial support any more than I am entitled to dictate their career choices. It is our responsibility to collaborate on a meaningful education that prepares them for the real world.
As college approaches, we will help our children explore their futures long before they start spending our hard-earned money. We’ll engage in ongoing conversations about their aspirations, potential locations for their life journeys, and what brings them genuine happiness. I will take them to visit college campuses and share stories from my own college experience, hoping to inspire them.
I might shed some tears when I help him unpack his belongings in that tiny, expensive dorm room. And while I’ll miss him dearly, I promise I won’t be crying because of the missed opportunity to buy that Tesla—mostly.
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In summary, while I strive to support my children’s education, it’s essential they have a clear direction before we invest in their future. Together, we will work towards a purposeful and practical education that will equip them for success in life.