Food has always held a special place in my heart, and I must admit, I have a rather unrefined taste. I’m the type of person who attends county fairs primarily to indulge in a Krispy Kreme chicken sandwich on a stick. My guilty pleasures include gas station snacks that others reserve for road trips: Slim Jims, Flamin’ Hot FunYuns, and those squishy orange circus peanuts. Admittedly, it’s a bit cringe-worthy. Even more embarrassing are the various diets I’ve attempted in my quest to shed the weight I gained from eating like a child.
After numerous failed attempts at dieting, I’ve come to terms with the fact that diets and I are simply not meant to coexist. Therefore, I’ve decided to focus on the “avoid junk food and stay active” strategy. I’m shifting my goals from short-term aspirations like fitting into a bikini to long-term objectives such as maintaining a healthy body that can sustain me well into my golden years.
Before I completely abandon restrictive eating plans, let’s take a moment to honor the fad diets I’ve tried and the delectable foods that ultimately led to their downfall.
1. Slim Fast
My first serious attempt at dieting began in college after meeting my husband. Feeling intimidated by his fitness level, I decided to try Slim Fast, thinking a shake for breakfast and one for lunch, followed by a “sensible” dinner—like a Whopper Jr.—would suffice. It seemed simple enough!
My roommate joined me in this endeavor, which proved to be a catastrophic mistake. Those Slim Fast shakes are notorious for causing digestive distress, and our apartment quickly transformed into a rather unpleasant environment.
Despite losing 10 pounds initially, mostly due to my youthful metabolism, I quickly discovered that the shakes, while devoid of flavor, could not quench my cravings. After two weeks of this diet, we succumbed to the tantalizing aroma of pizza wafting from a nearby place. We decided to indulge in an early dinner, thinking we could simply have our shake later. Unfortunately, that plan fell apart as we found ourselves at a Panda Express later that night, sealing the fate of my Slim Fast journey.
2. Atkins
In the late ’90s, the Atkins diet was all the rage, and I couldn’t help but be curious after witnessing my boss fitting into her high school jeans again. Intrigued by her success, I decided to give it a shot, especially after gaining a few pounds from my love of vending machine snacks. The promise of bacon, steak, and cheese was too enticing to ignore.
I engaged in the Atkins diet intermittently, enjoying the warm embrace of bacon each time I returned. However, my resolve was tested when I found myself at a hospital during my husband’s knee surgery. While en route to Starbucks, I stumbled upon a McDonald’s advertising a “bucket of fries” for just five dollars. The temptation was real, and I quickly forgot about my coffee and Atkins plan, diving headfirst into the fries. #RIPATKINS
3. Nutrisystem
After welcoming my first child, I found myself overwhelmed and neglecting my eating habits. To remedy the situation, I opted for Nutrisystem, which delivered pre-made meals to my door—perfect for my chaotic lifestyle. Initially, it was a Godsend, providing me with quick meals that were relatively healthy.
However, as my daughter grew out of her colicky phase, I found myself faced with the choice between a flavorful, fresh hamburger and Nutrisystem’s tiny pre-packaged version. It didn’t take long for the homemade burger to win out, leaving my Nutrisystem meals in the dust.
4. Dukan Diet
At 34, I was still carrying the weight from my second pregnancy and looking for a solution. A friend had great success with the Dukan Diet, which promised to reset my metabolism. It boasted a long-term plan that seemed sustainable. To my surprise, I lost 20 pounds while my husband lost 40, thanks to his male metabolism.
However, the real test came during our vacation back to San Diego. The allure of authentic Mexican cuisine was too much to bear, and a plate of carne asada fries with all the fixings proved to be my diet’s undoing. An all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ meal sealed the fate of my Dukan Diet.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is undoubtedly challenging. Special occasions, holidays, and the irresistible smell of pizza can easily derail even the best intentions. But let’s be honest: delicious food is far more appealing than a sad shake in a can.
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In summary, while diets can offer a temporary solution, a sustainable approach focused on balanced eating and moderation may yield better long-term results.