Last weekend, I found myself in a whirlwind of chores—mowing the lawn, showering, vacuuming, and prepping for a gathering. In the midst of this, my 9-year-old son approached me, requesting a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. “Could you make it, please?” he asked sweetly. I sighed and replied, “Why don’t you give it a try?”
The truth is, I believe in fostering independence among my kids. A few years back, I realized that my two older children, then 7 and 5, didn’t even know how to butter toast. It was a shock. I pride myself on encouraging my kids to handle their own responsibilities, and it seemed absurd that they couldn’t tackle such a simple task—spreading butter, something that even a baby chimp could manage.
This desire to engage in cooking is critical. “Let’s see if you can figure it out. I’m right here if you need assistance,” I encouraged him as I continued tidying the kitchen. He hesitated and complained, “But I don’t know how.” I knew he could do it if he tried, but I took a deep breath and asked, “What do you think the first step is?” The following 10 minutes were a mix of confusion and laughter, as my son, who had witnessed countless grilled cheese sandwiches being made, insisted he was completely blank on the first step. He didn’t even consider retrieving bread and cheese from the fridge.
I’ll admit, patience isn’t my strong suit, and this whole scenario was frustrating. Teaching kids to cook can be rewarding once they acquire the skills, but the process can be quite the challenge, especially when you factor in the stubbornness of tweens. The charm of a toddler “helping” in the kitchen loses its appeal when they become older and more capable, yet still play the role of the helpless novice.
Now, with children aged 7, 9, and 11, I’ve realized that the kitchen has become a battleground of sorts. Despite the initial grilling challenge, my kids generally show enthusiasm for cooking. Ever since the infamous Butter Incident of 2014, we’ve been focusing on developing essential kitchen skills, from using the stove to handling knives and measuring ingredients. One of my children once misinterpreted “one cup of water” as filling a tall glass and dumping it all in a pot, resulting in a soggy mess. Another attempted to mix banana muffin batter in a tiny bowl, creating a catastrophic eruption of batter.
While the culinary activities may not resemble a professional cooking show, my children are learning valuable skills through their mistakes. They take pride in their accomplishments: my 7-year-old eagerly helps with breading chicken, while my 11-year-old is excited to learn how to steam mussels together. And the child who struggled with grilled cheese sandwiches? She has since mastered the art of making delicious cheesy scrambled eggs.
Of course, there are days when time constraints lead me to take over the cooking. Sometimes, they simply don’t feel like participating—which I completely understand. However, increasingly, they are stepping up and learning, and I appreciate the journey, even when it gets a bit chaotic. After all, isn’t family life a series of mishaps and learning experiences?
This morning, for instance, I enjoyed a delightful breakfast of cinnamon raisin French toast, skillfully prepared by my 7- and 9-year-olds, while I relaxed with a book at the kitchen table. It was a truly gratifying experience.
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In summary, cooking with tweens can be messy and frustrating, but it is ultimately rewarding. These experiences foster independence, build confidence, and create lasting memories, all while providing essential life skills.