Parenting: Enough As I Am by Emily Harris
Updated: Dec. 17, 2018
Originally Published: Jan. 5, 2005
While dining with my closest friends one December evening, I found myself sharing a painful truth: my husband, after nearly a decade of marriage, was leaving me for another woman. My friend Sarah looked at me with compassion and said, “But you’re so much prettier.” Although her words were meant to uplift, they highlighted an insecurity that had been festering within me.
The past two months had been rife with suspicion and heartbreak. I uncovered emails where he professed, “To love is to sacrifice, and I will sacrifice everything for you.” And he did just that, leaving behind our home, our shared memories, and the life we built together for someone a decade younger. As I sat at that table with my friends, tears mingling with my pasta, I longed for comfort.
As news of my situation spread, I repeatedly heard affirmations like “You’re pretty” and “You were a good wife.” My friends, who wished to console me, often echoed sentiments that came from their own vulnerabilities. They admired my cooking skills or noted my ability to bounce back to my pre-baby weight. Yet, despite these kind words, I felt hollow and drained—overwhelmed by grief and self-doubt.
One Saturday in November, in a desperate attempt to mend a seemingly broken relationship, my husband delivered a cold revelation. “You filled every checkbox,” he said, “but with her, I see new possibilities. You can’t be what I need.” Struck by his words, I retreated to the bathtub, unable to eat, paralyzed by anxiety. I scrutinized my body, wondering if it was my appearance that caused his discontent. Was I not sexy or interesting enough? The weight of my insecurities felt unbearable.
The ensuing months were tumultuous. The legal process of selling our home and navigating custody arrangements was overwhelming. The emotional toll intensified when my ex moved in with his new partner just weeks after our divorce was finalized. Each time I saw them together, I battled the relentless urge to compare myself to her. I repeated the reassurances from my friends, but they offered little relief—I felt inadequate.
Then, during a late-night chat, a friend shared a perspective that shifted everything. He reminded me that “the issues of another person do not diminish your own worth.” This was the insight I needed. It dawned on me that even if I had been the perfect wife, I could not control his choices or feelings. My worth was not dependent on his actions.
This realization brought me to a crucial understanding: I am not perfect, nor was I meant to be. I was meant to be genuine, to embrace vulnerability, and to connect with others through my experiences. I began to recognize that I am enough just as I am, and I started to emerge from the shadows of shame and self-doubt.
Of course, I still have moments of insecurity—this is a natural human experience, especially for women. However, as poet Mary Oliver beautifully articulated, “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” It was through experiencing pain and self-blame that I learned to see myself clearly, embracing my flaws and imperfections.
We are all imperfect beings, yet we are enough. Each of us, including myself, possesses inherent worth and beauty.
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In summary, recognizing that you are enough just as you are is vital for personal growth. Embrace your journey, acknowledge your strengths, and remember that perfection is unattainable; authenticity is what truly matters.