Caffeine is my lifeblood. I’d rather endure almost anything than part ways with it. Last week, I put that theory to the test. For most of my adult life, I’ve dealt with heart PVCs—those harmless little “extra beats” that pop up from time to time. These pesky beats tend to increase with factors like excessive alcohol, overexertion, stress, and yes, too much caffeine.
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself juggling all of the above. So, in a moment of poor judgment, I downed a giant glass of iced tea while having lunch with my 5-year-old. We were playing hooky that day, indulging in some much-needed self-care with pedicures at a place that offers free M&M’s. A quick note to businesses: you really don’t need to splurge on pricey marketing; just toss some free candy outside your door, and I will happily walk in and buy things I don’t need.
As I sat there, getting my toes painted a vibrant pink and munching on M&M’s (more caffeine!), my heart decided to act up. Suddenly, I was experiencing PVCs every 20 minutes—a first for me. Stress kicked in, leading to more PVCs, and what did I do? I reached for more chocolate to ease my anxiety. In that pedicure chair, I uncovered some unsettling truths about myself: 1) Trying hard not to panic only makes me panic more, and 2) I have zero self-control when it comes to free M&M’s—even when I feel like I’m on the verge of a heart attack.
It was, without a doubt, the least relaxing pedicure I’ve ever had. The only thing that kept me somewhat sane was the fact that I had a doctor’s appointment the very next day.
The following day, sitting in the sterile office, my doctor assured me that my heart was in good shape. Then she hit me with the classic line: “Welcome to getting older”—a statement I did not appreciate. She also suggested I cut back on caffeine since it was clearly a significant trigger for my PVCs. It felt like she was asking me to stop breathing or giving up the fundamental joy of eating. I left her office pondering how I would break the news to my family.
Eating, breathing, and caffeine—it turns out these three things are essential for my enjoyment of life. Without caffeine, I morphed into an irritable grump, finding joy only in making those around me as miserable as I felt. I began to despise kittens, babies, and even the sunny skies that seemed intent on blinding me. At one point during my caffeine-free day, battling a blinding headache and fatigue so intense I could hear colors, I convinced myself that my heart’s erratic behavior was inconsequential.
But I persisted. My husband would never figure out our daily schedule if I were to vanish. I made it six days without caffeine. I can only imagine my children recounting this time to their future therapist: “Well, doc, I think my startle reflex to loud noises began during the week my mom quit caffeine.”
After six days, just like a divine intervention, I needed to take a break—from life and from my caffeine detox. I craved that warm cup in my hands, soothing my nerves and assuring me that everything would be alright in 20 to 30 minutes. I acknowledged my addiction, and honestly? I didn’t care.
I did manage to significantly reduce my caffeine intake, and thankfully, I haven’t experienced any PVCs since then, so there’s hope for me yet. I’ll continue to keep an eye on my health and act responsibly. But can I promise to give it up completely again? Life is simply too short to dismiss the things we love. Caffeine, I love you, and I’m sorry we had our little spat.
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Summary:
I attempted to give up caffeine for nearly a week, and the struggle was real. My experience revealed how deeply intertwined caffeine is with my daily happiness. While I reduced my intake and felt better, the love for caffeine remains. Life is too short to miss out on what brings joy, even if it comes with its challenges.