My psychiatrist paused, pen in hand, and said, “I suspect you have ADD.” The question hit me hard: “Do you struggle with daily tasks that others seem to handle effortlessly?” In that moment, I broke down, tears streaming down my face. The fear of managing finances had led me to avoid having a checking account; I couldn’t even estimate our mortgage payment. We had the funds, yet bills were neglected, and utilities got shut off because I forgot to pay them. My car was a mess, trash spilling out whenever I opened the doors, and I often found myself searching for forgotten essentials—wipes, diaper bags, lunch.
At 34, I finally received a diagnosis that explained the chaos of my life: I had the inattentive type of ADD (ADHD without hyperactivity). I know I’m not alone in this experience. A report highlighted an 85% increase in ADHD medication usage among women aged 26 to 34 from 2008 to 2012. According to Dr. Sarah Mitchell, director of the National Center for Women and Girls with ADHD, “the average diagnosis age for women who weren’t diagnosed as children is between 36 and 38.” Previously, many women were misdiagnosed with depression or anxiety disorders. Even when these conditions were present, they didn’t address the underlying issue: ADHD.
Historically, many women went undiagnosed due to the DSM-IV’s requirement for symptom onset by age 7, which focused predominantly on white boys and their hyperactive behaviors. Now, with the DSM-V increasing the onset age to 12, more women fit the diagnostic criteria. Awareness is growing about how ADHD presents in adult women, which is markedly different from its manifestation in young boys, who are often described as loud, constantly in motion, and interruptive. In contrast, women may struggle with basic tasks like balancing a checkbook.
According to findings from ADDitude Magazine, many women feel their lives are spiraling out of control. We dread inviting friends over due to the mess and can become overwhelmed by the idea of just one more task. Too often, we find ourselves “coping, searching for misplaced items, trying to catch up, or covering up.” People may label us as selfish because we forget to send birthday or thank-you cards.
I didn’t need to read further down the list; I was already crying. I recalled my own wedding thank-you notes, which I kept postponing. Finally, I bought $75 worth of lovely cards, and in a burst of manic energy, I wrote each note, personalizing them with thoughtful details. But they never made it to the mailbox.
This isn’t the typical hyperactive child; ADHD in women often remains undetected, which is why my thank-you notes sat in a closet until our fifth anniversary. An essay on ADHD and women in Quartz emphasizes that girls typically exhibit the inattentive version of the disorder. We struggle with organization and often appear spacey. Many of us mask our symptoms, trying to meet societal expectations of being organized and on top of things. We make careless mistakes and daydream, often hiding our social symptoms. Yet research indicates that girls with ADHD are “three to four times more likely to attempt suicide and two to three times more likely to report self-harm” compared to their peers without ADHD.
The challenges don’t disappear in adulthood. About 50% of adults with ADHD also experience anxiety disorders, alongside potential diagnoses of depression, bipolar disorder, or other psychiatric conditions. For many women, this may stem from years of living with untreated ADHD. “We have a generation of women diagnosed later in life who’ve had to manage their condition alone for far too long,” says Dr. Lisa Green, a clinical psychologist and ADHD specialist.
As awareness continues to grow, so too do diagnoses among women. Finding the right medication can be tricky; it’s essential to choose one that doesn’t worsen existing anxiety issues. After my diagnosis, I grappled with feelings of imposter syndrome for a year, doubting my own experience with ADD. Lingering doubts from childhood echoed in my mind: “Hurry up,” “Stop daydreaming,” and “Why don’t you have any common sense?”
But there is hope. If you recognize symptoms in yourself, don’t hesitate to reach out to your doctor. You don’t have to be the overwhelmed mom who always forgets the wipes, and you can reclaim control over the clutter that comes with parenting. You can be the mother you aspire to be without the constant struggle.
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In summary, ADHD often goes undiagnosed in women until later in life, primarily due to societal misconceptions and outdated diagnostic criteria. Increased awareness is crucial for proper diagnosis and treatment, empowering women to reclaim their lives and thrive.