By: Janelle Turner
Updated: June 24, 2020
Originally Published: March 29, 2017
“Mommy, I need to hide!” My son, Marcus, clutches his tablet and scurries into the corner. I avoid making eye contact as I sneak a glance at him, engrossed in his screen. His tiny brows furrow in concentration while he’s clearly soiling his diaper. I have to pretend I’m not watching; otherwise, he’ll panic and tell me to look away.
Once he’s done, he joyfully returns to his activity, and I brace myself for the next challenge: changing a dirty diaper. Marcus can happily sit in his mess for hours if I let him. He doesn’t enjoy the occasional diaper rash, but strangely, that doesn’t deter him. So, I scoop him (along with the tablet) and get to work. He barely sits still long enough for me to clean him up, and as soon as I finish, he’s off again.
When Marcus turned 2, friends and family started asking when I’d start potty training him. I shrugged it off, saying we’d wait until he was ready. I wasn’t going to push the issue. After all, I genuinely believed that’s the best approach. Trust me, I dislike changing diapers as much as he dislikes being changed! But I soon realized my son is incredibly stubborn and won’t budge until he’s good and ready.
I don’t recall wearing diapers, but my parents have shared their struggles with potty training me. It’s clear that Marcus inherited some of my tenacity; I knew I was in for a challenge. While I was relaxed about potty training during his second year, I committed to making a more concerted effort when he turned 3.
For his birthday, his grandmother sent him a set of Thomas the Train underwear. Marcus adores Thomas, but when I showed him the gift, he shouted, “No Thomas underpants!” and shoved them into a drawer. I’ve always let him join me in the bathroom when I pee (though I prefer solitude for other business), so he grasps the concept of using the toilet. He just isn’t interested in trying it himself. Whenever we pass a store with children’s toilets, I ask if he wants to get one and give it a go. “No potty!” he yells down the aisles of Target.
After turning 3, I decided I wouldn’t tolerate his protests any longer. We were going to conquer this, even if it killed me. I was determined not to let him reach the largest diaper size, as they’re nearly impossible to find. I thought pull-up training pants with Thomas the Train on them might entice him more than his birthday gift from Grandma. He didn’t fall for it.
Changing my approach, one night I took off his diaper and let him roam around the house nude. I waited for him to signal when he needed to go. He did well until I tried putting pants on him, which confused him and led to a few accidents. I attempted fabric training pants, but he treated them like a diaper. My patience wore thin when he had a massive bowel movement in one, and I had to toss it out.
Then we had a breakthrough. One evening, while he was playing, he didn’t give me enough warning before he started to pee. Acting on instinct, I grabbed the nearest container — a large plastic one — and held it in front of him. Surprisingly, it worked better than my hand! He looked down and realized what was happening, and something clicked for him.
A few hours later, he called out, “Mommy, I need the cup!” I rushed to him with the container, and he peed without any issues. Finally, he understood! It was unconventional, but I was willing to try anything to make progress. Now, as long as he’s awake and I’m home, he goes without pants. When he needs to go, he proudly announces, “I have to pee-pee!” and we rush to get the cup. He’s beaming with pride. Although he’s still hesitant about the toilet, I’m not pushing it. When he needs to poop, he still asks for a diaper, and at bedtime, I have him pee in the cup before putting on a diaper.
Now that he’s 3 ½, while this cup-peeing, diaper-pooping strategy wasn’t what I envisioned, I genuinely believe he’ll be fully potty trained by his 4th birthday. Despite others’ insistence, I trusted my instincts and allowed him to develop at his own pace. I remain unsure why the cup seems to provide comfort, but as long as it’s working, I’m not complaining.
Just like everything else during toddler years, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. I’ll gradually introduce underwear or the actual toilet soon. I’m confident that by this time next year, it will feel as if he’s always known how to use the potty. I really hope so, because I need him to be ready for pre-K, and the local program doesn’t accept diapers.
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Summary:
Patience is key when it comes to potty training my stubborn 3-year-old, Marcus. Despite challenges and unconventional methods, I remain hopeful that he will be fully trained by his 4th birthday. As I navigate this journey, I trust that he will grow at his own pace.