“I’m sorry. I’m just not okay,” I confessed to my partner, tears welling in my eyes. We had hit a rough patch, and I felt utterly fragmented. It was as if I owed an apology for simply being myself. I wrestled with feelings of unworthiness, questioning my ability to foster meaningful relationships with those I cherished most. How could I be a mother when I felt so lost?
We all carry our own baggage. Some of us manage to conceal it, while others wear it openly for the world to see. Personally, I fall somewhere in between. The truth is, we keep reminding ourselves that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but that realization also means we were raised by flawed individuals. Thus, many of us grapple with feelings of brokenness stemming from our pasts, leaving us unsure of how to nurture our own children.
Being a broken adult often indicates that mistakes were made during our formative years — some more significant than others. While some may feel irreparable, I firmly believe it’s my responsibility to learn from the missteps I witnessed and strive for improvement. It’s imperative that I piece myself back together so I can be the parent my children need.
Feeling fractured while trying to guide a child through their own identity development is no easy feat. As I approach my 40s, I’ve only recently embarked on a journey towards self-acceptance and love. I’ve begun to understand that my perception of the world can sometimes be distorted by my anxiety, a trait that runs deep in my family. However, the only option I have is to seek help and combat these challenges with the same determination I would muster for a serious illness.
Yet, the guilt of feeling broken while raising children can be overwhelming. Many of us aspire to provide the best for our kids, and I once convinced myself that someone else could do a better job than the imperfect version of me. I could have easily compiled a list of reasons why I was unworthy of raising my beautiful children. But now, I realize that my brokenness can actually become my greatest asset if I allow it.
One of the remarkable aspects of parenthood is that children often help us heal just as much as we nurture them. Their innocence and optimism can restore our faith in the goodness of the world. In their pure gaze, you can occasionally find a moment where the burdens of life seem to vanish, leaving us feeling whole once again.
As I navigate the challenges of parenting, I’m constantly reminded that I need to confront my past and the beliefs it has instilled in me. My children don’t need to know every detail of my history right now, but they will witness my daily struggle to grow and improve. I acknowledge that this is a valuable lesson in itself.
Through my own experiences, I can teach them that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel emotions that aren’t always cheerful. We can heal and move forward together. I can show them that apologies are a vital part of our interactions, and they signify strength, not weakness. I can impart the wisdom that perfection isn’t a requirement and that their past shapes them but doesn’t dictate their future.
I can illustrate that love can emerge from less-than-ideal situations and that extending kindness is crucial as we journey through life. I can encourage them to look beyond themselves and show compassion to those who are struggling, as this is one of the best remedies for a tough day.
They will come to understand that everyone has flaws, but true strength lies in overcoming those imperfections and transforming them into defining characteristics.
There are many lessons a broken adult can impart to a child. Most importantly, I hope my children learn that self-love is essential for true happiness, while serving others can cultivate joy.
I would argue that my experiences of feeling broken might just be my greatest strength as a parent. I’ve learned how to rebuild myself, and when they encounter challenges in their lives, I will be equipped to guide them back to feeling whole.
Ultimately, I want my kids to realize that they are deeply loved, in ways they may only comprehend when they have children of their own. They should know that their mom has fought tirelessly to piece herself back together—not just for her own sake, but for theirs. They deserve the best.
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